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emmets

Wow. I'm so desperate to get to over 100 followers I considered, for a moment, not blocking @joeschmittt. Then I came to my senses.
Dear future self: when you finally receive this tweet hours from now, make a twitter failure joke before it's too late!
Dear future self: when you finally receive this tweet hours from now, make a twitter failure joke before it's too late!
Dear future self: when you finally receive this tweet hours from now, make a twitter failure joke before it's too late!
Dear future self: when you finally receive this tweet hours from now, make a twitter failure joke before it's too late!
Me: "You can come into this room if you'd like, dog." Dog: "GAH I CAN'T TOO SCARY I GUESS I'LL JUST WHINE AT THE THRESHOLD OOPS PEEING NOW."
I can't do the twitter "converse with your dog" thing because my dog is neurotic and OCD.
Does the phrase "heart-to-heart talk" work when the subject of the aforementioned talk is feces? Wouldn't that be "ass-to-ass"?
Gawd I wish Twitter would stop having amnesia. Of course, Twitter might just be making a point not to remember me when I beg "Remember Me!"
When Armstrong gets all testy they call him Hormonal One-Ball-Lance.
The Northwest will continue to get ungodly amounts of snow dumped on them until they admit they spend too much on coffee and ironic beards.
How do I keep the spice in my life? Well, every day I use a new part of my towel to dry off my asscrack!
Really excited for the Thinkers BUT NO FUCKING DOERS Conference 09. There's a whole daylong session on Eyebrow Raising as Expression.
This stream brought to you by the soothing scent of Glade brand air fresheners. Impossible to fart anything but blossoms!™ You can't do it!...
@theimpulsivebuy Definitely tell him about Rolando, the best game for the platform yet. Deep Green is great chess and Trism is puzzly.
The great thing about Spaces in Leopard is I can dedicate a whole "Space" to porn! And another one to shame!
HOLY SHIT @HOTDOGSLADIES MENTIONED MY CITY'S NAME IN A BLOG POST. DRINKS ALL AROUND!
If we ever ran out of balsamic vinegar in this house, all the food would taste like shit. Or less like balsamic vinegar. Look, I'm no cook.
@shortyawards I nominate @joeschmitt in #humor and now I can't make fun of the awards anymore considering I just fucked up at this TWICE.
Okay, so it's really a verb plus a direct object plus a preposition. MY RAGE REMAINS.
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