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elishayaffe

  1. @annethegreg Martin Luther King was a commercial actor?! Dude had a dream and he went for it. Mad respect. about 6 hours ago via Twitter for Android in reply to annethegreg
  2. IMO, there's never enough boners on Game of Thrones about 7 hours ago via web
  3. I measure my emotional growth with notches on the wall too. So far I can't seem to crack however tall babies are. about 8 hours ago via Twitter for Android
  4. Television character you will never see: a psychologist who's terrible. 3:30 PM Jun 3rd via Twitter for Android
  5. "Put on your shades cause I'm gonna sun you!" -me, before I flash my crotch 11:58 AM Jun 2nd via Twitter for Android
  6. It's as I suspected: the $86/hr work from home ads are for jobs where you print $86 worth of counterfeit money per hour from your home. 10:37 AM Jun 2nd via Twitter for Android
  7. "Quick! Get me all of the people eating people stories from across the globe!! I want cannibal stories, stat!!!" -the news media 11:15 PM Jun 1st via web
  8. I love them but sometimes Of Montreal sound like a fancy frenchman decided to record himself singing as he drowned. 10:33 PM Jun 1st via web
  9. I was about to have SUCH a delicious omelette this morning but by the time I chose the right instagram filter for it it was super cold :-( 1:50 PM Jun 1st via web
  10. Is Pearl Jam considered our generation's dad rock yet? 11:04 AM Jun 1st via Twitter for Android
  11. Great/terrible stripper name: Dignity 7:27 AM Jun 1st via Twitter for Android
  12. If Paul Giamatti isn't cast as Paul Krugman in something eventually, I will be really disappointed in Hollywood. 1:48 AM Jun 1st via Twitter for Android
  13. Had a dream last night where somebody told me about a dream they had and it wasn't interesting at all. 11:40 AM May 31st via Twitter for Android
  14. Pro tip: Keep the ladies guessing. Call shotgun even when you're driving. If she takes the keys, she's a keeper. 6:05 PM May 30th via Twitter for Android
  15. I like to fart on boobs. I call it sailing cuz it's like motorboating but it's wind powered. 4:05 PM May 30th via Twitter for Android
  16. Whenever a Radio Shack employee seems far too eager to help me find a phone charger, I assume he's a cokehead. I'm probably always right. 2:20 PM May 30th via Twitter for Android
  17. If there's one pet peeve I have about women, it's that they don't always look down to see if their butt's about to fall into a toilet bowl. 2:10 PM May 30th via Twitter for Android
  18. Been in more "is this tweet funny" arguments with my girlfriend than any other type of argument. Related: Surprised I have a girlfriend. 7:47 PM May 29th via Twitter for Android
  19. Chinese zodiac placemat says I'll be happiest if I marry a dog. At least wait for legalized gay marriage before going public with that shit. 7:44 PM May 29th via Twitter for Android