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ekessdotcom

  1. Mitt Romney's #Amercia mistake is just his way of telling us he's picking Ben Quayle as his running mate #SonOfPotatoe
  2. @pulmyears 'fraid not.
  3. @pulmyears Florida doesn't deserve 3 teams.
  4. Mitt Romney's app misspelling was just clever cross-promotion for the Scripps National Spelling Bee tomorrow at 8am EST on ESPN. Watch it.
  5. @Crobama Desperation is an awesome part of our culture.
  6. Dear Cable TV, there's so many Pawn Shop stories that need to be told. I'm holding out for Interracial Pawn and MILF Pawn.
  7. I support a program to equip schizophrenics with Bluetooth headsets.
  8. What are the odds we can convince Mexican drug cartels to switch to manufacturing deliciously addictive guacamole?
  9. Someone tell doctors who go on talk shows that they don't have to wear lab coats. If you use the abbreviation MD with your name, we get it.
  10. @kkjordan you test drove a Toyota?
  11. Pitching a show to @FoodNetwork where iPhone dependent celebrities learn how to make their favorite dishes, called "Siri-ously Cooking."
  12. An inordinate amount of homeless people in Los Angeles look like Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds.
  13. I heard Wikipedia went public today, but then again I read that on Wikipedia.
  14. I just deleted the SuDoku app from my iPhone, thus greatly improving my chances of one day winning the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay.
  15. @Cecconi140 Right, it'll take place on the board of directors of a major corporation, and you'll have to guess who the poor guy is.
  16. Look for me on an upcoming episode of "Secret Millionaire"- if that show's still on the air in 30 years or so.
  17. I threw the winning touchdown pass in the Super Bowl of Dreams; what did you ever do?