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echuckles

  1. the drugstore sells condoms behind the counter with a big sign that says LATEX BALLOONS. they also sell balloons back there, but, um, wow.
  2. Amazing how once you unpack silverware, toilet paper and your iPhone charger, the will to unpack any more boxes in your new home diminishes
  3. Gross! I have garlic breath. Is there an app for that?
  4. just deleted "hahaha" in an email and replaced it with "hehehe." the difference is HUGE, people.
  5. Why, exactly, is it so creepy in horror movies when clocks stop working?
  6. Overheard in the mammoth line at Whole Foods: "Note to self: Never come here again."
  7. Four out of five dentists recommend Brizzly for cavity-free tweeting. The first 10 people to use this code can try it. http://bit.ly/2j4XsI
  8. crap. just spelled my *name* wrong in a work email and fired it off before noticing the error. "elizabeth" has a lot of letters!
  9. I keep waking up perpendicular. This is clearly an effort by my subconscious to never wake up on the wrong side of the bed.
  10. being selected to microwave tomato soup is really a lifetime commitment for whichever poor Tupperware the burden falls upon.
  11. New Yorkers seem real bummed this morning. Something big must've happened in the World Series when I switched to "650-lb. Virgin" on TLC.
  12. it's days like this- when i whip out my metro card to open my front door- that i know the men in white coats are on standby for me.
  13. just got an eye exam. my pupils are dilated and my vision is blurry. i have a sudden urge to operate heavy machinery.
  14. We're doing the breast cancer walk in the freezing rain. It is *just* like that bastard breast cancer to have it be a downpour today.
  15. heard someone refer to "texts" in the literary, non-cell-phone sense today. forgot about that usage of it.
  16. "You have to be crazy to live in New York, but you'd have to be nuts to live anywhere else."
  17. Olympics in hometown, or Nobel Peace Prize? Olympics in hometown, or Nobel Peace Prize? Hmmm...
  18. with each day and each clumsy, air-headed action i take, i become more and more convinced that i am still just a human-in-training.
  19. what's the minimum number of floors you have to ride in silence in an elevator before issuing the obligatory "have a good one" upon exiting?
  20. i've had my watch on upside-down all day, which might be the name of a self-help book.