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echuckles

  1. the drugstore sells condoms behind the counter with a big sign that says LATEX BALLOONS. they also sell balloons back there, but, um, wow. 3:13 PM Nov 24th from web
  2. Amazing how once you unpack silverware, toilet paper and your iPhone charger, the will to unpack any more boxes in your new home diminishes 12:19 PM Nov 23rd from Twitterrific
  3. Gross! I have garlic breath. Is there an app for that? 7:20 PM Nov 18th from Twitterrific
  4. just deleted "hahaha" in an email and replaced it with "hehehe." the difference is HUGE, people. 11:15 AM Nov 17th from web
  5. Why, exactly, is it so creepy in horror movies when clocks stop working? 8:22 AM Nov 10th from Twitterrific
  6. Overheard in the mammoth line at Whole Foods: "Note to self: Never come here again." 1:56 PM Nov 8th from Twitterrific
  7. Four out of five dentists recommend Brizzly for cavity-free tweeting. The first 10 people to use this code can try it. http://bit.ly/2j4XsI 8:48 AM Nov 5th from Brizzly
  8. crap. just spelled my *name* wrong in a work email and fired it off before noticing the error. "elizabeth" has a lot of letters! 8:38 AM Nov 5th from web
  9. I keep waking up perpendicular. This is clearly an effort by my subconscious to never wake up on the wrong side of the bed. 5:36 AM Nov 2nd from Twitterrific
  10. being selected to microwave tomato soup is really a lifetime commitment for whichever poor Tupperware the burden falls upon. 9:23 AM Oct 30th from web
  11. New Yorkers seem real bummed this morning. Something big must've happened in the World Series when I switched to "650-lb. Virgin" on TLC. 4:22 AM Oct 29th from Twitterrific
  12. it's days like this- when i whip out my metro card to open my front door- that i know the men in white coats are on standby for me. 5:25 AM Oct 26th from web
  13. just got an eye exam. my pupils are dilated and my vision is blurry. i have a sudden urge to operate heavy machinery. 7:56 AM Oct 20th from web
  14. We're doing the breast cancer walk in the freezing rain. It is *just* like that bastard breast cancer to have it be a downpour today. 11:46 AM Oct 18th from Twitterrific
  15. heard someone refer to "texts" in the literary, non-cell-phone sense today. forgot about that usage of it. 1:08 PM Oct 14th from web
  16. "You have to be crazy to live in New York, but you'd have to be nuts to live anywhere else." 4:09 PM Oct 11th from Twitterrific
  17. Olympics in hometown, or Nobel Peace Prize? Olympics in hometown, or Nobel Peace Prize? Hmmm... 3:31 PM Oct 9th from web
  18. with each day and each clumsy, air-headed action i take, i become more and more convinced that i am still just a human-in-training. 9:12 AM Oct 7th from web
  19. what's the minimum number of floors you have to ride in silence in an elevator before issuing the obligatory "have a good one" upon exiting? 1:55 PM Oct 6th from web
  20. i've had my watch on upside-down all day, which might be the name of a self-help book. 1:23 PM Sep 30th from web