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drujohnston

  1. To make my boner sketches less childish I've started ad-libbing lines so everyone else's sketches end with me getting a boner. Still 27. about 19 hours ago via Twitter for iPad
  2. Two out of the three sketches I wrote for my meeting tonight end with the protagonist getting a boner. I'm 27 years old. about 20 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  3. "Walk on the ocean." -Jesus/Toad the Wet Sprocket 8:26 AM May 31st via web
  4. "Well, shoot." -Mitt Romney after seeing his ad with America spelled wrong. 8:08 AM May 31st via web
  5. @JackiePizz thank you? 7:42 AM May 31st via web in reply to JackiePizz
  6. Genuinely curious is Gene Shalit will make a pun about The Great Gatsby or just settle by saying 'It's... great.' as if it's a real pun. 11:45 AM May 30th via web
  7. @ClomeMalone Oh well thank you! It's a moustache now though... 6:59 PM May 29th via web in reply to ClomeMalone
  8. Just walked into a fancy barbershop with a moustache on my face. NEXT I MIGHT OPEN UP A BANK! 12:03 PM May 29th via Twitter for iPhone
  9. 'Son of a son of a sailor' sounds like a much better song than: 'My grandfather on my father's side was a sailor.' 4:15 PM May 28th via web
  10. STOP YOUR MEMORIAL DAY! LINKEDIN HAS IMPORTANT UPDATES! 3:54 PM May 28th via web
  11. There are things you can say about me now that you never could when I was a kid. Namely: 'All Forehead.' 3:53 PM May 28th via web
  12. Check out my shitty sunburn tonight at 9:30 at UCB. Fuck That Shit (A Comedy Team) with some signature BillyJoel-prov. newyork.ucbtheatre.com/performances/v… 3:04 PM May 28th via web
  13. Around for the weekend? Come see my improv team Grandma's Ashes tonight at 1030 at UCB Chelsea. newyork.ucbtheatre.com/performances/v… 3:06 PM May 26th via Twitter for iPad
  14. Yesterday I got an iPad. Since then I have (in order): played risk on it, watched porn on it, tweeted about it. And now we're here. 1:01 PM May 26th via Twitter for iPad
  15. If an army of monkeys were given an infinite amount of time and a computer with twitter they'd probably produce a tweet I'd fav. 11:43 AM May 25th via web
  16. "Welp, you can't win 'em all!" works for every New Yorker cartoon caption. 10:24 PM May 24th via Twitter for iPhone
  17. Uniqlo's model must have wet herself right? This can't be intentional. twitter.com/drujohnston/st… 9:30 PM May 24th via Photos on iOS
  18. Real ad at Citi Field: Cheez Doodles are the official Cheez Doodles of the Mets! 6:47 PM May 24th via Twitter for iPhone
  • Name Dru Johnston
  • Location Brooklyn, NY
  • Web http://www.drujoh...
  • Bio I'm a writer and performer at UCB NY and executive producer and writer for the Chris Gethard show. I discover music four years after I should. Seattle Native.
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