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DrinkingForTwo

we fell on tough times. all we had left was some bread, an onion and half a bag of bacon bites. those were the best sandwiches.4:14 PM Jun 15th from web
how long should you stare at a blocked toilet in a public restroom4:30 AM Jun 6th from web
should I be proud that when I asked my daughter what the tweezer things in her toy Doctor's kit were for she answered 'to remove the eyes'.6:30 PM Jun 1st from web
how come you never see baby squirrels4:27 AM May 9th from web
if i win the lottery i'm going to spend all my money having press conferences. 'thanks for coming everyone today I ate toast with cheese'.5:02 PM May 6th from web
aliens don't have weight issues10:10 AM May 3rd from web
looks like I have wine flu4:03 PM Apr 30th from web
life is like a porno movie. no matter who you meet they're going to screw you.5:09 PM Apr 24th from web
a dog is for life. not just for breakfast.5:08 PM Apr 24th from web
@drinkingfortwo was here before @oprah http://herebeforeoprah.com #herebeforeoprah3:55 AM Apr 20th from web
this head of mine hurts6:07 AM Apr 19th from web
i prefer to call canned corn. corn off the cob in a can.3:53 AM Apr 18th from web
i think it sucks that the grocery store is closed for easter sunday that shit went down 2000 years ago. talk about living in the past.12:39 PM Apr 12th from web
i like it when women tell me that i have beautiful eyes. i take pride in my collection.7:33 PM Apr 11th from web
you could do a lot of bad things in life but get caught dry humping a dead bigfoot and you're fucked for life.4:33 AM Apr 8th from web
i think a cool magic trick would be to knit a sheep.3:08 PM Apr 7th from web
wonders why we never have a moment of silence for all the cavemen, women and little cave children that became tasty treats for dinosaurs.2:50 AM Apr 7th from web
I was the president of the dyslexia association of Canada. Our motto was 'a thousand words are worth a picture'.2:57 PM Apr 3rd from web
They say that dogs make good pets. But is that only because we have never tried making lamps out of them?2:57 PM Apr 3rd from web
i had some simulated 'simulated milk'. it was real milk.4:55 PM Mar 31st from web