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DrinkingForTwo

  1. new blog http//memoirsofasquirrelchaser.blogspot.com
  2. we fell on tough times. all we had left was some bread, an onion and half a bag of bacon bites. those were the best sandwiches.
  3. how long should you stare at a blocked toilet in a public restroom
  4. should I be proud that when I asked my daughter what the tweezer things in her toy Doctor's kit were for she answered 'to remove the eyes'.
  5. how come you never see baby squirrels
  6. if i win the lottery i'm going to spend all my money having press conferences. 'thanks for coming everyone today I ate toast with cheese'.
  7. aliens don't have weight issues
  8. looks like I have wine flu
  9. life is like a porno movie. no matter who you meet they're going to screw you.
  10. a dog is for life. not just for breakfast.
  11. @drinkingfortwo was here before @oprah http://herebeforeoprah.com #herebeforeoprah
  12. this head of mine hurts
  13. i prefer to call canned corn. corn off the cob in a can.
  14. i think it sucks that the grocery store is closed for easter sunday that shit went down 2000 years ago. talk about living in the past.
  15. i like it when women tell me that i have beautiful eyes. i take pride in my collection.
  16. you could do a lot of bad things in life but get caught dry humping a dead bigfoot and you're fucked for life.
  17. i think a cool magic trick would be to knit a sheep.
  18. wonders why we never have a moment of silence for all the cavemen, women and little cave children that became tasty treats for dinosaurs.
  19. I was the president of the dyslexia association of Canada. Our motto was 'a thousand words are worth a picture'.
  20. They say that dogs make good pets. But is that only because we have never tried making lamps out of them?