Profile_bird

Hey there! donotinhale is using Twitter.

Twitter is a free service that lets you keep in touch with people through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What's happening? Join today to start receiving donotinhale's tweets.

Already using Twitter
from your phone? Click here.

donotinhale

  1. Walmart wouldn't take this baby in exchange for the widescreen TV I want. I must be getting Black Friday and the Black Market confused again 1:32 PM Nov 27th from Birdfeed
  2. Black Friday: The day the average citizen gets a taste of the amazing deals you can find in the Black Market.  4:57 AM Nov 27th from Tweetie
  3. I picked up a hitchhiker, thought it'd be fun, but she was all "Put me down! Put me down!" Lame. 1:05 PM Nov 23rd from Birdfeed
  4. I feel so Un-Mexican. I mean, I never even got a lawnmower on my 16th birthday like all the other Mexican kids did. 7:30 AM Nov 20th from Tweetie
  5. Why are suicide notes always handwritten? 4:18 PM Nov 19th from Tweetie
  6. My intentions are often misunderstood. I honestly hope you don't misinterpret this flaming bag of shit I have placed on your doorstep. 3:35 PM Nov 16th from Tweetie
  7. Depression is when the high point of your day is watching The Price Is Right in your underwear. oh, and donuts, lots and lots of donuts 8:37 AM Nov 16th from Tweetie
  8. I'm pretty sure the Mayans ended their calendar on the year 2012 simply because they ran out of room on their circular stone. 6:54 PM Nov 15th from Tweetie
  9. There are few things in life I hate more than the iPhone Stocks App. 4:26 PM Nov 9th from Tweetie
  10. The spaghetti stains all over your kid's mouth would be much cuter if he were eating anything that remotely resembles spaghetti. 4:53 PM Nov 8th from Tweetie
  11. I may have accidentally run over the neighbor's cat just now... Kidding, I did run over it and it was totally on purpose. 5:24 PM Nov 6th from Tweetie
  12. Does this unnecessary "u" in my words make me look British? 4:13 PM Nov 5th from Birdfeed
  13. I smacked a cockroach with my shoe and watched it die. Turned my back for a second and it was gone. That roach was a damn fine actor. 5:40 PM Nov 4th from Tweetie
  14. I constantly consider getting a job as a Zoo Tour Guide for sole fact of getting to say "Let's talk about the elephant in the room" daily. 9:32 AM Nov 4th from Tweetie
  15. If someone would take the time to collect and skin all the roadkill on this intersection they'd be able to open a respectable clothing line. 11:41 AM Nov 3rd from Birdfeed
  16. Florida Weather Man: HOLY SHIT THE WEATHER DROPPED BELOW 80°F. EVERYONE WEAR JACKETS. And then we all did. 6:12 AM Nov 3rd from Tweetie
  17. I genuinely enjoy the look of disgust I get from my friends when I refer to their mothers by their first names. 2:09 PM Nov 2nd from Tweetie
  18. Whenever I see a Segway I can't help but start humming The Final Countdown. Weird. 7:28 AM Nov 2nd from Tweetie
  19. Deaf people must get annoyed by bushy mustaches. 12:07 PM Nov 1st from Birdfeed
  20. I think the creator of this microwave purposely made changing the time on it an hour-long task. Fuck you, microwave. Fuck you. 5:57 AM Nov 1st from Tweetie