DonkeyBomber
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At @. First time I have ever seen a "wife beater" dress shirt. Hope it doesn't catch on. Would have to get all dress shirts modified.
about 8 hours ago
via txt
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On plane with Julie playing Chinese poker. Obviously Chinese couple asks, What R U playing. I sheepishly say "Chinese". They say "yes".
10:35 PM May 22nd
via txt
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At walmart w/mom. Old lady walking down ice cream aisle looking 4 tom and jerry's ice cream. Hope it doesn't have mice in it.
12:55 PM Apr 11th
via txt
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Definition of pressure. Just sat down in the only handicapped stall. I see 2 thin tires under the door. Gonna have to hurry, and limp out.
9:17 PM Mar 14th
via txt
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Oops, I Won Too Much Country! - Tom Schneider launches music career with EP
8:02 PM Mar 12th
via NetworkedBlogs
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All of those guys are on the roster
6:51 PM Feb 20th
via txt
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Hope guy next 2me doesn't have AIDS. Accidentally drank out of his glass. Not going to tell him. He'll be OK. I don't have AIDS, I think.
12:40 PM Feb 18th
via txt
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@ the only difference between Madonna and Keith Richards is that I could interpret the words she was singing.
2:23 PM Feb 8th
via web
in reply to skputts
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Madonna's dancing at half-time had such restricted motion kinda like she was afraid to stretch the elastic waist band on her Depends.
8:37 AM Feb 7th
via txt
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City of Scottsdale summarized both of my college goals on a lit overhead street sign with 4 words: Get Hammered, Get Nailed.
9:55 AM Dec 27th, 2011
via web
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Asked my niece about her xmas: HER: got a 50-state quarter set. I can take that $12.50 and wipe my ass with it.
7:55 AM Dec 25th, 2011
via txt
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At crappy fancy pompous restaurant. PRETENTIOUS WAITER SAYS: How R U enjoying UR food this fine evening? I SAY: By not eating it
7:49 AM Dec 25th, 2011
via txt
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Know UR not eating enuf ruffage, when pooping, UR face & lips look like a trumpet player trying to hit a high note.
11:12 AM Dec 4th, 2011
via web
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Bummed. Don't like JackInTheBox tacos as much as i used to. Think they're using better quality meat. I hate quality.
11:01 AM Dec 4th, 2011
via web
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@ Julie says nice work on the rap song, and thanks for resurrecting the "Stack em" monster. It is aaliiive!
9:17 AM Nov 7th, 2011
via web
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Check out my prior tweet. Julie inspired a rap song by @. Pretty good song too. Who knew Brett could rap?
8:53 AM Nov 7th, 2011
via web
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OFFICIAL @ RAP BY @ ♫♫♫♫♫ ♫♫♫♫♫ @ @ @ @ @
4:42 AM Nov 7th, 2011
via web
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@ looked at ur tweets a day late. At @ and no game. Your money is safe tonight
10:04 PM Oct 28th, 2011
via txt
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Love mexican food...mexican music?...not so much. Some one put a cap in the 3 trumpeters trumpets.
5:54 PM Oct 24th, 2011
via txt
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Julie asked me to whisper dirty things in her ear. I did...laundry, kitchen, toilets. Didn't work so well for me.
6:46 PM Oct 18th, 2011
via txt
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- Name Tom Schneider
- Location Scottsdale, AZ
- Bio Professional poker player, CPA, author, announcer, speaker, LoudMouth Golf, singer/songwriter. Having fun.
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