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diamondbadger

  1. Lucy just made some delicious brownies! Tomorrow she's moving up to gooey Girl Guides.about 3 hours ago from web
  2. I slept through the two minute silence. Is that disrespectful or just lazy? I assure you, my dreams were exceedingly reverent.about 7 hours ago from web
  3. Woke up on the inside of the bed today. That's why I always carry a Stanley knife.about 7 hours ago from web
  4. @AIannucci Remake Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, with yourself in the title role.6:19 AM Nov 10th from web in reply to AIannucci
  5. New Blog Post: http://bit.ly/3ZgOu1 Repetition is the mother of invention.6:17 AM Nov 10th from web
  6. Every time it rains in November, Axl Rose gets ten thousand dollars. And Slash gets struck by lightning.4:08 AM Nov 10th from web
  7. It was raining cats and dogs this morning. I slept in a vet's bin.3:56 AM Nov 10th from web
  8. My eyes are flippant. The optic nerve!2:48 AM Nov 10th from web
  9. Reading Evelyn Waugh has really sharpened my... y'know... talking... skills. Yeah.2:32 AM Nov 10th from web
  10. Has anything beneficial to the human race ever happened on a Tuesday? Apart from this tweet; no.2:26 AM Nov 10th from web
  11. Just invented the word 'haemopaedophiliac'. Not sure what I can do with it, to be honest. #fb8:06 AM Nov 9th from web
  12. @waxingmoonman Bees sound similar to other bees.7:47 AM Nov 9th from web in reply to waxingmoonman
  13. Nothing rhymes with buthing.6:51 AM Nov 9th from web
  14. Nothing rhymes with wasp.6:49 AM Nov 9th from web
  15. My favourite Aztec god is Satsuma.5:12 AM Nov 9th from web
  16. Nearly on my 900th tweet. I'd better say something interesting.5:11 AM Nov 9th from web
  17. I can't remember the last time I was just plain 'whelmed'.5:03 AM Nov 9th from web
  18. According to my phone, it's Low Battery O'Clock. You can do anything at Low Battery O'Clock, as long as it's slow.5:02 AM Nov 9th from web
  19. Liven up stabbings by referring to bleeding as 'leaking' - eg "Help! Help! My friend is leaking to death! *giggle*"4:22 AM Nov 9th from web
  20. @simonblackwell The deputy head honcho wears a lightly smaller poncho.4:20 AM Nov 9th from web in reply to simonblackwell