detweiler
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Made out with three of my sister's friends. This is payback for her telling me everything about her sex life.
about 8 hours ago
from TwitterBerry
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@ It's like the movie Memento, so just give it some time and it'll all make sense. (Hint: Use Cliff's Notes)
about 15 hours ago
from web
in reply to CranberryPerson
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Hey, Colorado! You play like we used to!
about 15 hours ago
from TwitterBerry
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'BOUT BEER-THIRTY, AMIRITE.
about 22 hours ago
from TwitterBerry
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@ That's my hometown, yo. On behalf of the town, I apologize in advance.
5:13 PM Nov 26th
from TwitterBerry
in reply to theswellers
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Watching Bruno with my family. Ahhh. The holidays.
2:09 PM Nov 26th
from TwitterBerry
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Hurtling down I-80, Lincoln-bound. Dancing in my seat to Dear Landlord the whole way. My good mood is invincible right now. Happy Thxgiving!
12:05 PM Nov 26th
from TwitterBerry
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I'm thankful she's 18.
11:45 PM Nov 25th
from TwitterBerry
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Aww, Verizon! A $100 refund check? You shouldn't have! No really, I think there's a clerical error. No takebacks!
4:44 PM Nov 25th
from TwitterBerry
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My bank account is down from "Ramen" to "Let's see what kind of lunch we can make out of condiments."
11:33 AM Nov 25th
from web
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Emily: "My refrigerator isn't working...but I don't want to shower, so I'm not calling anyone."
3 hours later...
"OH! It was unplugged!"
10:30 AM Nov 25th
from web
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How did people cook before the Internet?
5:45 PM Nov 24th
from web
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Do I know how to make rice? No. Is that going to stop me? Maybe.
4:43 PM Nov 24th
from TwitterBerry
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I'm ok with that DM fail.
3:47 PM Nov 24th
from TwitterBerry
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whlteXbread Well, that way we'll know times for sure. We should stake out some bars though.
3:43 PM Nov 24th
from TwitterBerry
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Anyway. BORING. Let's talk fisting.
1:29 PM Nov 24th
from TwitterBerry
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That trash can I puked into the other night? Her dog, Lola, got into it and her roommate had to clean it up. Can't spell 'Lola' without LOL.
5:09 PM Nov 23rd
from web
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Panhandling is so much easier with a red bucket and a bell.
11:42 AM Nov 23rd
from web
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Everyone wants me to switch from TwitterBerry to UberTwitter. Do you realize how long it took me just to get a phone that takes pictures?
1:57 PM Nov 22nd
from web
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Willful productivity, you are no match for my hangover.
1:40 PM Nov 22nd
from web
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- Name Detweiler, Brian
- Location Omaha, NE
- Bio If the ocean was whiskey, and I was a duck, I'd dive to the bottom and never come up.
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