derekasaurus
- And trust me, you don't want to cross the BBBMBoETFC.4:19 PM Jul 18th from Tweetie
- I haven't seen Transformers 2 yet. My Big Budget B Movies Based on 1980's Toys Fan Club membership card is going to being revoked.4:17 PM Jul 18th from Tweetie
- In my dream a friend tried to talk me into combat training Max so we could enter him in cage fights on the baby deathmatch circuit.11:00 PM Jul 17th from Tweetie
- Max is walking in circles (dining room, kitchen, family room, living room loop) and stopping on each lap to kiss my cheek. So fucking cute.10:43 PM Jul 17th from Tweetie
- I said Max is growing up so fast I don't know where my little man went. Max overheard, pointed at himself, and shouted, "I'm right here!"7:03 PM Jul 17th from Tweetie
- @sween You needed testicles at "supper." Canadians.5:42 PM Jul 15th from Tweetie in reply to sween
- RT @sween: Robot stand-up: "AND WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH HUMANS? 'I ENJOY BREATHING. MY BODY IS SOFT AND EASILY DISSOLVED IN ACID.' YES/NO?"5:20 PM Jul 15th from web
- Even better when the 5 characters arrive before the 160, which is common across carriers. So thanks, Apple, for making me an aphasic d-bag.1:20 PM Jul 12th from Tweetie
- The iPhone doesn't display SMS length. This makes me a dick when it sends two messages for 165 chars to someone without an unlimited plan.1:08 PM Jul 12th from Tweetie
- Trying to replace Max's afternoon nap with "quiet time" (i.e., solitary confinement in his bedroom). I don't hear any tunneling yet.12:09 PM Jul 12th from Tweetie
- Did something happen to Michael Jackson?10:47 AM Jul 12th from Tweetie
- "I'm going to make a big poop like dada!" That's my boy.10:30 AM Jul 12th from Tweetie
- RT @LadySarahjane: Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at KFC...and got one.7:34 AM Jul 12th from Tweetie
- @tpuzak I'm pretty sure weather.com has a personals section for you.9:55 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie in reply to tpuzak
- @Ultravod "E.T." was my first theater movie, but "The Muppet Movie" made a much bigger impression, albeit on VHS.8:06 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie in reply to Ultravod
- A life lesson from Coney Island: Just because a little Japanese man can eat 64 hot dogs in 10 minutes doesn't mean that I can. Wuh.4:57 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie
- I can only hope she goes with acupuncture next time she has an infection.12:53 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie
- Chick on the subway said acupuncture is more trustworthy than penicillin because it's been around for thousands of years.12:52 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie
- Heading to the beach, an endeavor fraugt with moral and physical peril for someone with Amish modesty and a vampire's complexion.12:47 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie
- Gaaagh! Squirted sunscreen in my eye. Straight from the bottle. Sunscreen-in-eyes is a common problem, but rarely is the path so direct.12:20 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie
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