derekasaurus
- @sween You needed testicles at "supper." Canadians.about 23 hours ago from Tweetie in reply to sween
- RT @sween: Robot stand-up: "AND WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH HUMANS? 'I ENJOY BREATHING. MY BODY IS SOFT AND EASILY DISSOLVED IN ACID.' YES/NO?"about 24 hours ago from web
- Even better when the 5 characters arrive before the 160, which is common across carriers. So thanks, Apple, for making me an aphasic d-bag.1:20 PM Jul 12th from Tweetie
- The iPhone doesn't display SMS length. This makes me a dick when it sends two messages for 165 chars to someone without an unlimited plan.1:08 PM Jul 12th from Tweetie
- Trying to replace Max's afternoon nap with "quiet time" (i.e., solitary confinement in his bedroom). I don't hear any tunneling yet.12:09 PM Jul 12th from Tweetie
- Did something happen to Michael Jackson?10:47 AM Jul 12th from Tweetie
- "I'm going to make a big poop like dada!" That's my boy.10:30 AM Jul 12th from Tweetie
- RT @LadySarahjane: Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at KFC...and got one.7:34 AM Jul 12th from Tweetie
- @tpuzak I'm pretty sure weather.com has a personals section for you.9:55 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie in reply to tpuzak
- @Ultravod "E.T." was my first theater movie, but "The Muppet Movie" made a much bigger impression, albeit on VHS.8:06 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie in reply to Ultravod
- A life lesson from Coney Island: Just because a little Japanese man can eat 64 hot dogs in 10 minutes doesn't mean that I can. Wuh.4:57 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie
- I can only hope she goes with acupuncture next time she has an infection.12:53 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie
- Chick on the subway said acupuncture is more trustworthy than penicillin because it's been around for thousands of years.12:52 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie
- Heading to the beach, an endeavor fraugt with moral and physical peril for someone with Amish modesty and a vampire's complexion.12:47 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie
- Gaaagh! Squirted sunscreen in my eye. Straight from the bottle. Sunscreen-in-eyes is a common problem, but rarely is the path so direct.12:20 PM Jul 11th from Tweetie
- Sir Tompem Hatt is a tragic example of how typecasting can ruin a career. Well, that and the sex tape in the 70's.4:50 PM Jul 10th from Tweetie
- "The Batman quickly confessed that Superman, his cowardly cohort, 'freaked out and punched the girl cop in the face.'" http://is.gd/1tI4l9:49 AM Jul 10th from web
- Baby logic is awesome. Today Max rubbed my unshaven face and said, "You put your beard back on!"9:27 AM Jul 10th from Tweetie
- I thought I grokked the swooning over Rob Pattinson. Then someone told me "Twilight" isn't about a gay vampire. Awkward.6:13 AM Jul 10th from Tweetie
- And so the AT&T FAIL begins. That "call me in 5 minutes" text message would have been more useful 5 hours ago -- you know, when it was sent.6:42 AM Jul 9th from Tweetie
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