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delfie

  1. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer in case your friends turn out to be dicks. 12:14 PM Nov 19th from web
  2. I'm told I'll die bitter and alone if I don't stop with the cynicism and snark. And that's probably true. Well, fingers crossed, anyway. 6:09 PM Nov 16th from web
  3. Sorry I've been so quiet. I'm busy. I'm dating the kindest, sweetest man in the world. And It's taking longer than I expected to fix him. 5:20 PM Oct 27th from web
  4. I am so hungry!!! Seriously, it's been more than a day now since I've eaten lunch. 11:11 AM Oct 15th from web
  5. I walk into a room filled with my co-workers and I hear a voice say, "get out of here". And I think to myself, OMG, did I say that out loud? 5:49 AM Oct 15th from web
  6. I'm pretty sure if there was a third gender, I'd never look at another man. 6:51 PM Sep 30th from web
  7. Laughter is the best medicine so I hope you think herpes is funny. I'd make a terrible doctor probably. 4:57 PM Sep 28th from web
  8. Oh really, your husband thinks I'm a bad influence? Well I'm sorry you married such a fucking pussy. Now let's go find some real men. 7:20 PM Sep 27th from web
  9. Boys, if you don't like it then you shouldn't put your dick in it. 12:19 PM Sep 20th from web
  10. Two hours after lunch, I am horrified to discover a piece of spinach large enough to swaddle a grape stuck between my teeth. 12:54 PM Sep 17th from web
  11. Deadlines stressing you out? People pissing you off? Consumed with the fear that you'll never find any purpose in life? Try.... Apathy 4:17 PM Sep 15th from web
  12. 4 out of 5 co-workers agree: shut up. 8:03 AM Sep 8th from txt
  13. What? It's September already?! Man, I thought it was like June. This is what time travel must feel like. 10:06 AM Sep 1st from web
  14. I can admit when I'm wrong and I'm not ashamed to say so. It's just never come up, that's all. 5:36 PM Aug 27th from web
  15. Studies suggest that if you know more than the first 5 digits of π, you can’t be my friend. 7:42 AM Aug 22nd from web
  16. Hey, we should totally hang out some time. I think we have a lot in common. At least, I know I do. 12:23 PM Aug 20th from web
  17. I've named my dad prime suspect in the case of "where did the cookies go?". Details are still sketchy. More as the story unfolds. 2:11 PM Aug 16th from txt
  18. Don't expect someone else to bring you happiness. This is a self-serve kind of place. There, I just solved all your problems. 2:19 PM Aug 15th from web
  19. 11:30 on a Friday night and I'm sober. Yeah well, who needs booze anyway? Besides me, I mean. 10:33 PM Aug 14th from web
  20. I just caught a very unfortunate glimpse of my own ass. I think it's been snacking behind my back. 6:45 AM Aug 12th from txt
  • Name delfie
  • Bio Despite all evidence to the contrary, I'm a nice chick, just your average, bulletproof chick.
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