davetotheross
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I'M BACK IN LA! lordy, i missed y'all. come out to my storytelling show tonite for tales of hilarity and not sex. free!
4:00 PM Jun 2nd
via web
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Albuquerque! I'll be inside you tonight with @ and @! Come! (woah.)
2:01 PM Jun 1st
via Tumblr
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I call my penis "Voldemort" because it scars children.
11:04 AM Jun 1st
via HTC Peep
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I heard that if gay marriage passes, teachers are gonna tell students that it's okay to be Jewish.
10:12 AM Jun 1st
via HTC Peep
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RT @ SAN ANTONIO: THE SHOWTIME HAS CHANGED TO 10:30. 10:30 AT THE CRAZY APE.
4:59 PM May 31st
via HTC Peep
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No, no, I said VOMIT. I don't know what you thought I said, but it was my VOMIT I wanted you to clean up.
3:24 PM May 31st
via HTC Peep
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If your coffee shop is called "Ground Zero", you really shouldn't make firemen pay.
1:13 PM May 31st
via HTC Peep
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"That's not a wife. THIS is a wife." -Australian Mormons
1:05 PM May 31st
via HTC Peep
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Video: Hey check out Matt Ingebretson having a little party outside Houston.
1:46 PM May 30th
via Tumblr
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If I had a broadsword, I would be king of this fucking Wal-Mart.
12:28 PM May 30th
via HTC Peep
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RT @ HOUSTON: Show tonight at Mangos. 8:00 pm
12:26 PM May 30th
via HTC Peep
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Jake just rounded the twelve-minute mark talking about cats.
12:29 AM May 30th
via HTC Peep
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It is honestly crazy the amount of shit Jake is saying about cats right now.
12:27 AM May 30th
via HTC Peep
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the first rule of Frisbee Golf is "shut the fuck up and throw the god damn frisbee".
12:19 AM May 30th
via HTC Peep
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I am very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very very, very, very stoned.
11:53 PM May 29th
via HTC Peep
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Tonight was the first night in seven years I didn't blow a tiny amount of my penis off with a shotgun.
11:50 PM May 29th
via HTC Peep
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I wonder how many people in Austin came super hard today.
3:34 PM May 29th
via HTC Peep
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hey austin, i think you show come out to our show @ tonight at 9. it's gonna be fun.
3:14 PM May 29th
via web
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show tonight! with @, @, @, @, @ and more! 9pm @. FREE!
3:05 PM May 29th
via web
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i think if my kid were a cannibal i'd have like, a lot of trouble dealing with that.
2:59 PM May 29th
via web
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