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davetotheross

  1. I'M BACK IN LA! lordy, i missed y'all. come out to my storytelling show tonite for tales of hilarity and not sex. free! on.fb.me/JYLfZB 4:00 PM Jun 2nd via web
  2. Albuquerque! I'll be inside you tonight with @weismanjake and @mattingebretson! Come! (woah.) tmblr.co/ZiGOQyMZHKh7 2:01 PM Jun 1st via Tumblr
  3. I call my penis "Voldemort" because it scars children. 11:04 AM Jun 1st via HTC Peep
  4. I heard that if gay marriage passes, teachers are gonna tell students that it's okay to be Jewish. 10:12 AM Jun 1st via HTC Peep
  5. RT @mattingebretson SAN ANTONIO: THE SHOWTIME HAS CHANGED TO 10:30. 10:30 AT THE CRAZY APE. 4:59 PM May 31st via HTC Peep
  6. No, no, I said VOMIT. I don't know what you thought I said, but it was my VOMIT I wanted you to clean up. 3:24 PM May 31st via HTC Peep
  7. If your coffee shop is called "Ground Zero", you really shouldn't make firemen pay. 1:13 PM May 31st via HTC Peep
  8. "That's not a wife. THIS is a wife." -Australian Mormons 1:05 PM May 31st via HTC Peep
  9. Video: Hey check out Matt Ingebretson having a little party outside Houston. tmblr.co/ZiGOQyMRLxdZ 1:46 PM May 30th via Tumblr
  10. If I had a broadsword, I would be king of this fucking Wal-Mart. 12:28 PM May 30th via HTC Peep
  11. RT @feelingstour HOUSTON: Show tonight at Mangos. 8:00 pm feelingstour.tumblr.com 12:26 PM May 30th via HTC Peep
  12. Jake just rounded the twelve-minute mark talking about cats. 12:29 AM May 30th via HTC Peep
  13. It is honestly crazy the amount of shit Jake is saying about cats right now. 12:27 AM May 30th via HTC Peep
  14. the first rule of Frisbee Golf is "shut the fuck up and throw the god damn frisbee". 12:19 AM May 30th via HTC Peep
  15. I am very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very very, very, very stoned. 11:53 PM May 29th via HTC Peep
  16. Tonight was the first night in seven years I didn't blow a tiny amount of my penis off with a shotgun. 11:50 PM May 29th via HTC Peep
  17. I wonder how many people in Austin came super hard today. 3:34 PM May 29th via HTC Peep
  18. hey austin, i think you show come out to our show @TNM_Austin tonight at 9. it's gonna be fun. bit.ly/JTc1Ml 3:14 PM May 29th via web
  19. i think if my kid were a cannibal i'd have like, a lot of trouble dealing with that. 2:59 PM May 29th via web