daschulman
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The only way to achieve world peace is to require world leaders to conduct all talks in their pajamas while eating Rice Krispie Treats.
3:05 PM Mar 26th
via Twitter for iPhone
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She's like taking the SAT with the wrong-numbered pencil. No matter what circle you fill, you'll never guess her right.
4:53 AM Mar 20th
via web
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College taught me: Don't try seducing a girl with interpretive dance. You might accidentally break her nose with your swirly spin move.
7:52 AM Mar 18th
via Twitter for iPhone
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That's not just an old person in a Hoveround Power chair with an iPad on their lap. That's the future of mankind. -e
6:59 AM Mar 18th
via Twitter for iPhone
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80's Confession: Mom used to hem my breakdancing parachute pants right over the side ankle zipper, making it un-zipperable and me un-cool.
12:20 PM Mar 17th
via Twitter for iPhone
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My secret childhood dream was to become the first Jewish Ninja. I stand before you today having definitively succeeded at neither.
4:47 AM Mar 17th
via Twitter for iPhone
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What I'm most grateful for: What I consider beautiful keeps getting less pretty.
1:32 PM Mar 16th
via web
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She says 3,000 miles away is too far. I say measure in arm's length (2.9 ft). Only 5,462,069 arms' lengths between us. Totally manageable.
12:12 PM Mar 16th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Alien Proof: The creature whose ears Apple designed their earbuds for was definitely not from this planet.
11:32 AM Mar 16th
via web
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Contrary to glasses and windows, a broken heart remains intact
5:13 AM Mar 16th
via web
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Only one thing scarier than people who like smooth jazz: Being trapped in an elevator with a scary clown tapping his big clown foot to it.
2:16 AM Mar 16th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Dear Smiley Emoticon: When did the colon and parenthesis become your bitches? Burn in the smiley hell-fire from which you came.
2:09 AM Mar 16th
via Twitter for iPhone
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I look into my son's eyes and never want to look away; only view everything that isn't him as a small reflection inside.
3:08 PM Mar 15th
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ Yes. And yes.
2:09 PM Mar 15th
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to BMG13
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I will not quit until I find a way to make velcro bring sexy back.
11:55 AM Mar 15th
via web
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Chaka Khan seems so lovely. I'll never understand why she married Genghis.
10:16 AM Mar 15th
via web
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WARNING: Nobody is as popular as their carpet bombing of "Happy Birthday Facebook Posts" will lead them to believe.
(Post B-Day Withdrawal)
10:09 AM Mar 15th
via web
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Your money is no good here...
4:32 AM Jan 16th
via web
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"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
4:31 AM Jan 16th
via web
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From my brilliant sister: We, Barnaby People, and the Power of Tide:
1:43 PM Nov 11th, 2011
via Tweet Button
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- Name D.A. Schulman
- Location New York, New York
- Web http://www.daschu...
- Bio writer/illustrator/creative director
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