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"Someone told me the eyes are the nipples of the face."
NOW try to convince me My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding isn't brilliant.6:42 PM May 22ndvia Twitter for iPhone
scottsimpsonSome days you just want to go home, fire up Print Shop, and design a 10 ft. dot matrix banner of your name between a cupcake and a trophy.7:37 PM May 17thvia BirdhouseRetweeted by danaynay and 221 others
The ultimate morning-after regret: sitting next to a creeper at the bar who was wearing a fanny pack & not getting a photo. :(4:36 AM May 17thvia Twitter for iPhone
"Why would anyone named Richard ever go by Dick? We don't have a bunch of Elizabeths running around going by Pussy." - The BF5:35 PM May 15thvia Twitter for iPhone
Watching the choice of dudes on this season's Bachelorette is like dragging a cheese grater across your open eyeball and ILOVEIT.7:24 PM May 14thvia Twitter for iPhone
Just had a "Tear other drivers from their vehicles, place toothpicks under their toenails & force them to kick the wall" kind of mornings.5:47 AM May 11thvia Twitter for iPhone
Dear Girl Waiting Outside The Gym Class, please don't talk about your digestive distress when you will be jumping beside me shortly. Thx.3:28 PM May 1stvia Twitter for iPhone
