Profile_bird

Hey there! dan_hyphen_e is using Twitter.

Twitter is a free service that lets you keep in touch with people through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question: What's happening? Join today to start receiving dan_hyphen_e's tweets.

Already using Twitter
from your phone? Click here.

dan_hyphen_e

  1. A friend asked how I like my turkey prepared. I said "in a whiskey glass, double pour, with two ice cubes." Happy Thanksgiving! #fb 8:29 AM Nov 26th from web
  2. I know I'm repeating that from last year but I like it, dammit. 8:29 AM Nov 26th from web
  3. Last 7 of 10 items my bank statement: 5 Guys burgers twice, Playwright, Waxy O'Connors twice, THe Abbey, and Whole Foods. (I bought beer.) 2:31 PM Nov 24th from web
  4. Got my Facebook account hacked and now everyone thinks I'm peddling colon cleansers. In real life, I'd probably just say "eat Taco Bell." 6:54 PM Nov 18th from web
  5. Spent two hours sharpening my kitchen knives but I couldn't take the 2 minutes necessary to clean my cat's litter box. Why am I single? 11:36 PM Nov 11th from web
  6. Funny what people wear when it's "cold" in MIami. Saw a lady in a low-cut sundress with a fur shawl and knee high boots. It's 82 and windy. 12:49 PM Nov 8th from web
  7. Got a free bottle of rosé wine tonight. Not really into rosés but hey it's free. But every time I take a sip, my masculinity weeps. #fb 12:11 AM Nov 7th from web
  8. Spent a good part of the afternoon telling co-workers Facts about Chuck Norris. Remind me again why I'm single? 5:49 PM Nov 3rd from web
  9. Saw some women wearing outfits that aren't really costumes; they're just whores. Just so we're clear, I'm not complaining. 10:48 PM Oct 31st from web
  10. I want to buy a pumpkin just so I can smash it with a baseball bat. Also, I want to buy a baseball bat. 9:46 AM Oct 30th from web
  11. Pontiac is dead but the Trans Am lives on. http://bit.ly/3BmtH3 10:45 AM Oct 29th from web
  12. saw a commercial for Boondock Saints 2. Really? Did the original really need a sequel? Who am I kidding, I'm probably gonna watch it anyway. 4:38 PM Oct 28th from web
  13. Just spent $350 at Target. Something egregiously wrong with that. ($250 was on a new bicycle but still.) 3:09 PM Oct 28th from web
  14. I just died a little. Thanks #dodgers. 8:54 PM Oct 21st from web
  15. Chan Ho Park warming up. Any chance we could trade for Fernando Tatis in the next 5 minutes? #dodgers 7:39 PM Oct 21st from web
  16. Hey #dodgers? Chad Durbin walked 47 batters in 69.2 innings in the regular season. How about, I don't know: TAKING A PITCH? Just saying. 7:36 PM Oct 21st from web
  17. Great bobble Fatty Belliard. Orlando Hudson would have made that play. Seriously, WHY IS HUD RIDING THE BENCH? #WTF #dodgers. 7:24 PM Oct 21st from web
  18. Yeah, he's good now but back when Jayson Werth was with the #dodgers he was almost as useless as that "y" in his first name. 7:22 PM Oct 21st from web
  19. Timely homer from Hudson. Yeah Joe, this is the guy you want sitting on the bench during an elimination game. #dodgers 6:56 PM Oct 21st from web
  20. Every time you hit a batter with the bases loaded, God kills a Kitten. Please, think of the kittens. #dodgers 6:49 PM Oct 21st from web