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dailytweetideas

  1. The monarchy is finished. It was finished a while ago, but they're still making the corpses dance. - Sue Townsend
  2. I have long held the notion that if a vet can't catch his patient there's noting much to worry about. - James Herriot
  3. The Queen's wave: like the unscrewing of a chutney jar. - Sarah Kennedy Show, Radio 2
  4. He was a womaniser - as opposed to a women who does this, who is not a maniser, but a right old slapper. - Jo Brand
  5. Recreations: cinema, science fiction, thinking while gardening, natural history. - Ken Livingstone, Who's Who
  6. Did you hear Fred West's house is up for sale? What a horrible place that would be to live in Gloucester. - Frank Skinner
  7. The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backwards so that he can breathe without letting go. - Winston Churchill
  8. This scarlet woman. Was she scarlet all over, or was it just that her face was red? - P.G. Wodehouse
  9. If at first you don't succeed, failure might be your style. - Quentin Crisp
  10. Buy old masters. They fetch a better price than old mistresses. - Lord Beaverbrook
  11. Often we have no time for our friends but all the time in the world for our enemies. - Leon Uris
  12. I'm not into all that bondage stuff. Tying people up is such a palaver. - Boy George
  13. There are hardly two things more peculiarly English than Welsh rarebit and Irish stew. - G.K. Chesterton
  14. The age of the Common Man has taken over a nation which owes its existence to uncommon men. - Noel Coward
  15. Sir, you have but two topics, yourself and me. I am sick of both. - Dr Johnson to James Boswell
  16. I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first. - Peter Ustinov
  17. People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament. - A.P. Herbert
  18. Nothing unites the English like war. Nothing divides them like Picasso. - Hugh Mills
  19. I've got my figure back after giving birth. Sad, I'd hoped to get somebody else's. - Caroline Quentin
  20. My dear, there's nothing so ordinary as to try to be extraordinary. - Noel Coward