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DadGoneMad

  1. HOW?! How is it possible that @momofali has a final, finished, store-ready copy of RAGE when I, the author, do not? This does not bode well.
  2. "Yegshamesh! My name-a Wombat. I like you. I like sex. Is nice!" #1stdraftmovielines
  3. Searching for the right implement with which to remove my itchy, sunburned skin. Options include a lemon zester, a minivan, and dry ice.
  4. Bruno: Some funny moments but nowhere near as awesome as Borat.
  5. VASSUP! Seeing Bruno in an hour.
  6. "Mr. Extraterrestrial, please come to a white courtesy phone. We have a call waiting for you." #firstdraftmovielines
  7. "Goodnight, you princes of Maine. You snotty-nosed, poopie-pantsed little bastards of New England." #1stdraftmovielines
  8. "Whoa, whoa, whoa... stop right there. Eatin' a fish out and givin' a fish a foot massage ain't even the same thing." #1stdraftmovielines
  9. Sometimes NOT having an iPhone makes me feel like some kind of prehistoric backwoods douchebag. May as well have an outhouse.
  10. @girlsgonechild is hilarious and lovely and possibly a bit of a goober: http://www.flickr.com/photo...
  11. My kids are fascinated by my magenta sunburn. It's like they've never seen a sunscreeen-averse idiot before.
  12. @steenface If you buy one locally and send it to me, I'll sign the shit out of it.
  13. It's not ABOUT the sucky American beer, dude. It's about @alimartell . Have you SEEN her? She's a knockout! http://www.alimartell.com/
  14. Canadians don't know how to spell. And they have a beer superiority complex, too. http://www.alimartell.com/i...
  15. I may have mentioned this once before but I wrote a book and it comes out in twenty-six days! Please love it. http://dannyevansbooks.com/
  16. You know that saying, "If it bleeds, it leads"? What about when other things leak out. Does it lead if it drools? Or pees? Or cries?
  17. Whomever named Disneyland "The Happiest Place On Earth" never tried to park there.
  18. Is pink the new tan? And am I an idiot for taking a pic of my ab? http://bit.ly/Wl9Iy
  19. Kid, you've got about five seconds to start listening to me or I will DEFINITELY stick my stinky, webbed toes all up in your bidness.
  20. We still get mail addressed to the family who lived in this house before us. That was 10 YEARS AGO, folks! Dave's not here.