DaddyScratches
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You're not fooling me, convenient-store "Italian" roll; a hot-dog bun that speaks with an Italian accent is still a hot-dog bun.
about 12 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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At fucking last ...
1:31 PM May 17th
via web
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Daddy Scratches Fragrance Tip™: If 10 secs after you walk into neighboring cubicle I'm overpowered by your perfume, you're wearing too much.
12:48 PM May 17th
via web
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@ Did I not reply to this? If so: My apologies. And, sadly, signs right now point to "No." *womp-womp*
6:55 AM May 14th
via web
in reply to coupongoddess
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You Know You're Old When: The shit you think is *so* 5 minutes ago is shit young people have never even heard of.
6:45 AM May 14th
via web
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@ Hey, stranger. Aside from my unfortunate lacrosse incident, things are mostly well, thanks. How are you doing?
3:09 PM May 9th
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to coupongoddess
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If I could have foreseen getting hit in the nuts as hard as I just did with a lacrosse ball, I wouldn't have bothered getting a vasectomy.
3:03 PM May 9th
via Twitter for iPhone
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I love when the babysitter's car is nicer than mine. Doesn't at all make me question my life path.
7:04 PM May 5th
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ Sorry for delay responding; just saw this now. And, yes, I recommend the Park Central. Stayed there twice now.
7:03 PM May 5th
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to sheenamscott
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PS: Who's the asshole who told my son about Twitter?
6:06 PM May 2nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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"Well, um, I certainly don't say 'Fuck' a lot or talk about inappropriate things, son!"
6:01 PM May 2nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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Previous tweet authored by my son, who suddenly is aware of Twitter. "Dad, what kinds of things do you tweet?" he asks me. (cont'd->)
6:01 PM May 2nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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Hanging out and watching the game.
4:45 PM May 2nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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Thought I just accidentally sexted mom, sis & uncle instead of @. Discovered that panic + huge douche chills = heart attack.
8:28 AM May 2nd
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ Exactly!
6:06 AM Apr 28th
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to AJArndt
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Headed to Atlantic City tonight. Hoping to find a casino giving away minivans.
2:22 PM Apr 27th
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ I told @ that you were doing P90X. Her response: "What is that, assisted suicide to up-tempo music?"
1:40 PM Apr 15th
via Echofon
in reply to DaddyScratches
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You guys, I'm totally friends with the author of the #1 book on @' best-seller list: CC: @
6:59 AM Apr 26th
via web
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@ Right?
10:38 AM Apr 25th
via web
in reply to The_Bad_Dad
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Dear Publicists/Marketers: If you don't provide an "Unsubscribe" link in your email blasts, you're doing it wrong.
8:25 AM Apr 25th
via web
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- Name Daddy Scratches
- Location Philadelphia
- Web http://daddyscrat...
- Bio Husband, father and writer with delusions of grandeur, perpetually on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
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