I don't remember eating this twitter.com/Curbjaw/status…

I stopped to smell the roses today, and they smelled just like my shit

@dhillman8111 only because I left Jersey, pal

@Jaromir_Jagr Richard Simmons said "who the hell is Jaromir Jagr & why is he wearing my pink short shorts & glittered tank top?"

Awesome, Taco Bells gonna serve breakfast! Now Ill be awake for my explosive diarrhea!

Good new baby tattoo design - their footprint over your heart.... bad baby tattoo design - their hand prints on your weener

@fakelavy two things women want in a man... that face, and the nickname Cooter

So teabagging is "sexual assault"... I sure hope my boss's coffee cup never learns how to call the cops

@Jaromir_Jagr as a player or a tourist?

@Jaromir_Jagr @fakegiroux said Lavy isn't nearly as funny as how you fuck

@dhillman8111 the world is watching, FakeLavy, expectations are high for the man behind the man behind the bench

@fakelavy by the way, @NotReallyBobs dance made @Jaromir_Jagr and his salute its bitch.

@fakelavy @NotReallyBobs more like the special olympics figure skating team

@fakelavy you should start @NotReallyBobs at least 75 games per season provided he does that dance after every save

Why did Nickelback redo Saturday Nights Alright for Fighting? Their singer is an even less convincing tough guy than Elton John

I've been thinking of counting down from infinity

I've had turds that remind me of just how not gay I am

Did Lars Ulrich come up with SOPA & PIPA? #sopa #pipa

@801PUNX. Great movie... you know when he gets into town, & that guy is playing the banjo?That's the banjo boy from Deliverance all grown up

When I take trash bags to the dumpster I pretend im Homeless Santa giving gifts of used coffee cups & paper towels to the good homeless kids