cundoubtedly
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For awhile I thought my boyfriend was Jesus but then I met his real dad.
4:23 PM Jun 1st
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The main reason I could never marry a mormon is because I refuse to wear sleeves at my own wedding.
12:33 PM Jun 1st
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This guy at the airport just told me Jesus loves me -- as if I didn't already know.
9:37 PM May 20th
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It's so cute how my sister and I keep anthropomorphizing her baby.
4:12 PM May 19th
via TweetCaster
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Guys don't even realize how difficult it is to be a girl. We have to go to bed every single night knowing we'll never wake up as Summer Fin.
5:13 PM May 16th
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True Life: I'm addicted to birth control pills
12:31 PM May 15th
via TweetCaster
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Twitter just notified me to say @ mentioned me. Don't worry guys, it was just a fuckin lie and I had a heart attack for nothing.
11:39 AM May 15th
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Last night I heard my boyfriend say "I love you" to my cat and then I died. I'm dead now.
1:13 PM May 14th
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I wish I had a baby so I could make its hair look stupid.
11:13 AM May 8th
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Immaculate conception is so scary, if I got pregnant right now I'd have no way of knowing if my baby's daddy was my boyfriend or God!
9:42 AM May 8th
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I love it when my birth control pills fall out of my wallet onto the counter when I'm paying that way everybody knows what a huge slut I am.
12:33 PM May 4th
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I made eye contact with two guys when I was jogging yesterday and neither of them have even missed connectioned me yet?
9:58 AM May 2nd
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I think my cat thinks her name is Muffin which is so silly because her name is actually Cooper and I just sometimes call her Muffin.
12:59 PM May 1st
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I hate double standards like the one where guys say "bros before hoes" and they're considered loyal, but when I say it I'm just a bitch.
8:27 AM May 1st
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If the Bible was filmed like a reality show I think I could get so religious so fast!
10:35 AM Apr 30th
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I wish my cat had a Facebook so I could know how she's feeling right now.
12:59 PM Apr 28th
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I know my cat loves it when I hug her because her tail starts to wag like a dog.
12:58 PM Apr 28th
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To my cat I'm all like, Can you please get up off my lap, I need to go poop. And she's all like, ZZZzzzzZZz.
4:19 PM Apr 25th
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I like it when my friends get engaged because then I get to puke all over myself.
11:27 AM Apr 24th
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I like to work out at home more than the gym because at home I get to lie on the floor with my cat.
11:42 AM Apr 19th
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