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cundoubtedly

  1. For awhile I thought my boyfriend was Jesus but then I met his real dad. 4:23 PM Jun 1st via web
  2. The main reason I could never marry a mormon is because I refuse to wear sleeves at my own wedding. 12:33 PM Jun 1st via web
  3. This guy at the airport just told me Jesus loves me -- as if I didn't already know. 9:37 PM May 20th via web
  4. It's so cute how my sister and I keep anthropomorphizing her baby. 4:12 PM May 19th via TweetCaster
  5. Guys don't even realize how difficult it is to be a girl. We have to go to bed every single night knowing we'll never wake up as Summer Fin. 5:13 PM May 16th via web
  6. True Life: I'm addicted to birth control pills 12:31 PM May 15th via TweetCaster
  7. Twitter just notified me to say @robdelaney mentioned me. Don't worry guys, it was just a fuckin lie and I had a heart attack for nothing. 11:39 AM May 15th via web
  8. Last night I heard my boyfriend say "I love you" to my cat and then I died. I'm dead now. 1:13 PM May 14th via web
  9. I wish I had a baby so I could make its hair look stupid. 11:13 AM May 8th via web
  10. Immaculate conception is so scary, if I got pregnant right now I'd have no way of knowing if my baby's daddy was my boyfriend or God! 9:42 AM May 8th via web
  11. I love it when my birth control pills fall out of my wallet onto the counter when I'm paying that way everybody knows what a huge slut I am. 12:33 PM May 4th via web
  12. I made eye contact with two guys when I was jogging yesterday and neither of them have even missed connectioned me yet? 9:58 AM May 2nd via web
  13. I think my cat thinks her name is Muffin which is so silly because her name is actually Cooper and I just sometimes call her Muffin. 12:59 PM May 1st via web
  14. I hate double standards like the one where guys say "bros before hoes" and they're considered loyal, but when I say it I'm just a bitch. 8:27 AM May 1st via web
  15. If the Bible was filmed like a reality show I think I could get so religious so fast! 10:35 AM Apr 30th via web
  16. I wish my cat had a Facebook so I could know how she's feeling right now. 12:59 PM Apr 28th via web
  17. I know my cat loves it when I hug her because her tail starts to wag like a dog. 12:58 PM Apr 28th via web
  18. To my cat I'm all like, Can you please get up off my lap, I need to go poop. And she's all like, ZZZzzzzZZz. 4:19 PM Apr 25th via web
  19. I like it when my friends get engaged because then I get to puke all over myself. 11:27 AM Apr 24th via web
  20. I like to work out at home more than the gym because at home I get to lie on the floor with my cat. 11:42 AM Apr 19th via web