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crse

  1. All I'm saying is he has an abnormal amount of anxiety about lava for a four year old.
  2. "It was innocent enough...well you know...from his point of view...which is like..psycho stalker guy."
  3. "Well sure...all crack addicts are hot when they lose that first 30 lbs..."
  4. The party was wonderful til a fight about the hydrodynamics of the screen door broke out and Lori's mom pulled out a shank.
  5. Dude, there is no "in my defense" when it comes to a statement like "I tried to circumcise the cat".
  6. Ok I know that I've been drinking a little but pouring gasoline on the bonfire with a lit cigarette?
  7. Two heinies and a pina colada? Yeah, I'll play bocce! Hand me some balls, guys..
  8. I'm sorry Turner but despite your belief, licking your armpit is not going to help us get out the door any faster.
  9. "In jail for killing a tranny at his dealer's house during a meth filled rage" certainly does answer the question "How's your brother?"
  10. USAirways is clearly an EOE. Not only is our attendant a man but our last flight attendants totally had that "class action lawsuit" look.
  11. Know what's worse than a cross country flight next to a surly four year old? A cross country flight next to a gassy surly four year old.
  12. I wasn't that worried when they said she was missing. Anyone who'd snatch her would return her as soon as they realized what she's like.
  13. Omg you're cheating on us already?
  14. "The dad beat the little kid with a baseball bat." "Well, I can see a whiffle bat..." Yeah, that's the 4 yr old's after-party right here.
  15. What exactly is it about Toys r us that makes you cuss like a sailor? "Fuck if I know!"
  16. @LovableDoofus I'd LOVE to be a doofus angel. Since there's already a blond, can I be the not butch one? I need this more than @redtothetone
  17. "It's cool. I have monkey making down to a science.."
  18. Yes time did stop in that meeting but I swear I am not faking the bathroom need.
  19. Tiny embroidered flamingos on her short sleeve button down shirt. And a palm tree on the lapel. You just don't see that everyday.
  20. You know what makes the time go faster? Playing a mental game of "ambush make-over" on the ugly annoying woman across the table.