crse
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All I'm saying is he has an abnormal amount of anxiety about lava for a four year old.
7:06 PM Nov 12th
from txt
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"It was innocent enough...well you know...from his point of view...which is like..psycho stalker guy."
11:26 PM Oct 24th
from txt
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"Well sure...all crack addicts are hot when they lose that first 30 lbs..."
9:53 PM Oct 24th
from txt
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The party was wonderful til a fight about the hydrodynamics of the screen door broke out and Lori's mom pulled out a shank.
5:55 PM Sep 19th
from txt
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Dude, there is no "in my defense" when it comes to a statement like "I tried to circumcise the cat".
5:43 PM Sep 19th
from txt
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Ok I know that I've been drinking a little but pouring gasoline on the bonfire with a lit cigarette?
4:46 PM Sep 19th
from txt
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Two heinies and a pina colada? Yeah, I'll play bocce! Hand me some balls, guys..
3:13 PM Sep 19th
from txt
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I'm sorry Turner but despite your belief, licking your armpit is not going to help us get out the door any faster.
11:47 AM Sep 19th
from txt
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"In jail for killing a tranny at his dealer's house during a meth filled rage" certainly does answer the question "How's your brother?"
7:37 AM Sep 9th
from web
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USAirways is clearly an EOE. Not only is our attendant a man but our last flight attendants totally had that "class action lawsuit" look.
9:56 AM Sep 4th
from txt
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Know what's worse than a cross country flight next to a surly four year old? A cross country flight next to a gassy surly four year old.
9:49 AM Sep 4th
from txt
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I wasn't that worried when they said she was missing. Anyone who'd snatch her would return her as soon as they realized what she's like.
11:09 AM Sep 2nd
from txt
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Omg you're cheating on us already?
6:15 PM Aug 30th
from txt
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"The dad beat the little kid with a baseball bat." "Well, I can see a whiffle bat..." Yeah, that's the 4 yr old's after-party right here.
4:44 PM Aug 29th
from txt
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What exactly is it about Toys r us that makes you cuss like a sailor? "Fuck if I know!"
9:46 AM Aug 29th
from txt
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@ I'd LOVE to be a doofus angel. Since there's already a blond, can I be the not butch one? I need this more than @
9:04 AM Aug 29th
from web
in reply to LovableDoofus
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"It's cool. I have monkey making down to a science.."
8:45 AM Aug 29th
from web
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Yes time did stop in that meeting but I swear I am not faking the bathroom need.
1:45 PM Aug 26th
from txt
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Tiny embroidered flamingos on her short sleeve button down shirt. And a palm tree on the lapel. You just don't see that everyday.
1:39 PM Aug 26th
from txt
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You know what makes the time go faster? Playing a mental game of "ambush make-over" on the ugly annoying woman across the table.
1:36 PM Aug 26th
from txt
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