croninwhocares
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"It's weird sometimes, not havin' a boss." - (God, to the Administrative Assistant, at the Christmas Party)
about 8 hours ago
from web
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"Never heard of 'em." - Older a-hole in Milwaukee, on The Who, talking to Roger Daltrey
about 13 hours ago
from web
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A personal message, to all my Twitter followers. Just gonna come clean here and say this...I kinda want a Chevy Volt.
about 18 hours ago
from web
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If you have more than 4 yogurts in your fridge, you have more than 2 skeletons in your closet.
about 19 hours ago
from web
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"Well are you suggesting your loincloth just upped and walked away? It's where you put it last, Running Bull." --- Indian housewife
about 20 hours ago
from web
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Are you wasting your life? I don't know, are you a professional speed skater? No? Then probably not.
about 22 hours ago
from web
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242. Benton Flenger Jr. (Century 21's Big Book of Fake Realtor Names, Vol 1.)
about 22 hours ago
from web
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From - Contains - "Bed, Bath & Beyond." (Spam Deletion Tweet)
11:29 PM Nov 30th
from web
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"The jellyfish have been quiet, but I suspect they're planning something big." (Insane conspiracy theories that sound oddly plausible)
10:36 PM Nov 30th
from web
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How bad is American healthcare? The last doctor I went to used the term "The Squirts."
10:23 PM Nov 30th
from web
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# of guys with long dreads in the NFL - my guess: 56. Yours?
5:58 PM Nov 30th
from Echofon
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July 9, 1955 - Jimmy Smits is born. (The Dates You Don't Need to Remember Series)
4:32 PM Nov 30th
from web
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"Where is your fuckin' sense of honor? You're just gonna lie down and die for these little shits?" - (Way-too-intense Little League coach)
12:49 PM Nov 30th
from web
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INT. SQUIGGLES B. TAFFY-WACK OFFICE. Professor Thompwonk meets with Rufus Gigglebottom (Courtesy, Museum of Unproduced British Screenplays)
11:35 AM Nov 30th
from web
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Know that friend who uses the expression "Aaa, it all comes out in the wash." He's made over $142 off of you over the years.
11:08 AM Nov 30th
from web
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"I may find something I like by DAS EFX." (Thought process of person walking towards record store discount bin)
10:10 AM Nov 30th
from web
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"Wassup, skip-jack? Gimme some flee-fly!" - (White guy trying to coin urban catchphrases)
9:57 PM Nov 29th
from web
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I feel confident that nobody, from this point forward in my life, will ever have the power to force me to run a lap.
12:28 AM Nov 29th
from web
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"Something tells me we're living in a shitty time, pussy-wise." - Protestant teen after exhaling smoke, in Massachusetts Bay Colony, 1653
10:19 PM Nov 28th
from web
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"So uh, you guys like indoor?" - (Guy at party who swore he wouldn't reveal his love for indoor soccer too early, but is about to anyway.)
8:54 PM Nov 28th
from web
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- Name Dan Cronin
- Location Los Angeles/Burbank
- Bio Writer, Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien, guy who puts pint glasses in the freezer.
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