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crackbarbie

  1. And out of nowhere, I am now an 80 year old woman who calls them "cotton swabs."
  2. Hahahaha "Hand Wash" Hahaha "Dry Clean Only" Hahahaha Clothing companies are HILARIOUS!
  3. @mexyco With the infection in my microdermal, if you rub your pus on my pus we could be pussy sisters.
  4. The closest to fit I've been in years is having this sports bra on for the past 72 hours.
  5. Oh, not much. Laying in bed eating shrimp cocktail and watching Mtv. You?
  6. I wish there was a superhero that drove a Toyota Corolla. Then my son would think I was badass.
  7. What doesn't have two thumbs but its pitbull is now wearing a sweater?
  8. Oh my god you guys. My hand won't stop putting cookie dough in my mouth! What do I do!
  9. If I listened to everything my mouth told me, I'd be convinced of eating shit infused cashew chicken in my sleep.
  10. I fucking feced up in this joint.
  11. The truth comes out at the bar. I'm not the only one to cry during Walmart commercials.
  12. Anymore 50 cent, I'm gonna be at 2.75
  13. This is a special edition for Veterans day. Enjoy #uglyfacewednesday PART DEUCE. http://pic.gd/7ae752
  14. #uglyfacewednesday http://pic.gd/193848
  15. I've never seen so many ponytails on grown men in my LIFE.
  16. Bar rule number 42: DO NOT play Thunderstruck.
  17. Bend over to the front, touch your toes. I wish I knew the words to this song. Loljk I do. Get low. Get low get low get low get low get low.
  18. I don't know if I should discipline or praise my dog for peeing in the shower.
  19. There is a bag of poop on my station at work. Asked my coworkers who put it there. They didn't know. They told me nobody gives a shit.
  20. I'm definitely going home with the Mom of the Year award. I took the double A's out of my vibrator so my son can play SpongeBob Operation.