crabapplez
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Nativity scenes are funny because if they'd arrived this early they would have found a room.
8:57 AM Dec 18th
from Tweetie
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Judging by the quality of these exams, my students' chief influence is my crippling fear of failing anyone no matter how stupid they are.
1:24 PM Dec 9th
from Tweetie
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I wonder if 80s movies are ashamed of their special effects when they watch Ben-Hur.
4:57 PM Dec 4th
from web
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Is my dog stupid, or does it always take this long to teach animals to roll over when you shout "Let's get Christmassy"?
4:43 PM Dec 4th
from web
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It's time to take the guy in charge of organic salad greens aside and give him the talk about where best-before dates come from.
10:32 AM Dec 4th
from web
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I never put words in people's mouths, unless the words are "I've been known to get arrested for this" and the person is my dentist.
1:56 PM Dec 3rd
from web
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I always think secret santa is going to be awesome but then we draw names and who the hell is Karen?
12:42 PM Dec 2nd
from Tweetie
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My sister is pregnant, which sucks for me because of that time mum got drunk and said, "Whoever has the first baby gets the house."
1:32 PM Nov 21st
from web
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Disrespect from my students really makes me sick, and not only because I chase it with an entire lemon pound cake.
7:27 AM Nov 19th
from Tweetie
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I never laugh at jokes about paranoia because they are obvious traps and nice try.
1:48 PM Nov 18th
from web
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The Dodge Ram 2500. Finally, a vehicle-that-turns-stop-signs-into-suggestions for the rest of us.
8:21 AM Nov 15th
from Birdhouse
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"Is there any way I can pass your class?" "Well at this point the easiest thing would be to go back in time and do what I told you."
8:08 AM Nov 15th
from web
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I went to grad school and all I got was this lousy annotated bibliography assignment over and over again repeatedly.
12:15 PM Nov 14th
from web
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Friday the 13th is great because for once it's not my fault when I jump in the shower with my socks on.
5:44 AM Nov 13th
from Tweetie
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I didn't understand blue camouflage until I disappeared at Wal-Mart.
6:40 AM Nov 12th
from web
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I rarely get to say "You're an idiot" in social situations, so thanks for naming your baby Nebula.
3:35 PM Nov 11th
from web
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"Good morning. If you're curious about these bags under my eyes, they're from being punched in the face all night by your crappy essays."
5:12 AM Nov 11th
from web
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Forgot to check rates for international data roaming before we left, but how bad can it be? I'll just take a peek at the billJESUS MOTHERFU
6:59 AM Nov 10th
from Tweetie
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I could stay away for a hundred years and my mum would still suck at losing at Scrabble. "Oh, that's nice. REAL nice. I'm your MOTHER."
1:07 PM Nov 9th
from web
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I feel like we're adults until I catch him with his new shirt and an exacto knife, "Just cutting some tatters in to make it look cooler."
3:28 PM Nov 3rd
from web
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- Name crabapplez
- Location Houston, United States
- Bio The world is full of the grandeur, and it is.
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