coolplums
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This year I shot my own turkey. I used a 12 gauge # 6 load. You should have seen the people in the meat department at Safeway scatter.
12:08 PM Nov 28th
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I, John Lehman, was just featured on Radio Literature. You can go to their web site and play the program. Thanks
2:52 PM Nov 27th
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"Ignoranus": A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.
10:10 AM Nov 22nd
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"Giraffiti": Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
11:35 AM Nov 20th
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"Sarchasm": The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
7:52 AM Nov 19th
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Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
7:45 AM Nov 17th
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Two guys sitting in a kayak were chilly. When they lit a fire in the craft, it sank - proving you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
7:39 AM Nov 16th
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Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
7:25 AM Nov 12th
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"Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs."
7:26 AM Nov 11th
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The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
8:14 AM Nov 10th
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Did you know "eat" is the only word that if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last it spells its own past tense: “ate?” Sleep well!
5:24 PM Nov 6th
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Q. Why do men get married?
A. So they don’t have to hold their stomachs in any more.
8:53 AM Nov 5th
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Q: Wife's now two months pregnant. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
8:00 AM Nov 3rd
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What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
- Frostbite
11:09 AM Oct 31st
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Final MEASURE FOR MEASURE…Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
9:42 AM Oct 30th
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MEASURE FOR MEASURE…Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
9:05 AM Oct 28th
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I review The Onion’s latest book and Jane Hamilton’s Laura Ryder’s Masterpiece. Nice combination, John!
7:25 AM Oct 27th
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IT BOTHERS ME: When people say ‘it’s always the last place you look’. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
7:11 AM Oct 27th
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MEASURE FOR MEASURE…Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
8:42 AM Oct 23rd
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MEASURE FOR MEASURE…2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton.
9:33 AM Oct 20th
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- Name John Lehman
- Location Wisconsin
- Web http://www.CoolPl...
- Bio poet, short story writer, playwright, workshop presenter
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