cookies_of_doom
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"Your soul is lost. Do you remember where you had it last?"
about 5 hours ago
via web
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"Hope springs eternal. Like a rabid, immortal ocelot."
9:09 AM Jun 2nd
via web
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"Even now, the forces of Good fight endlessly with the forces of Evil, about exactly whose fault you are."
9:45 PM May 31st
via web
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"Government operatives will remove your brain and replace it with a microchip, but only because they're out of the micro-micro-microchips."
10:50 PM May 30th
via web
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"It's not just that everyone hates you, it's that everyone hates you for a different reason. A different, perfectly valid reason."
11:36 PM May 29th
via web
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"Vermin follow you wherever you go. At first it was just your odor, but now it's a sort of reverential awe. You have taught them *so much*."
11:23 PM May 28th
via web
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"Your bones will slowly transmute into Limburger cheese. Whether this is related to your skin assuming the texture of a Triscuit is unknown"
10:50 PM May 27th
via web
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"You'll be hit on the head, & wander for days with no idea of where you live or who you are. These will be the happiest days of your life."
9:57 PM May 24th
via web
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"It's not that you're unworthy of love, per se, it's that your mental architecture is fundamentally incapable of sustaining it."
9:07 AM May 24th
via web
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"Flossing will become easier when a massive yawn dislocates your jaw entirely, leaving it swinging gently against your throat."
11:04 PM May 22nd
via web
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"You won't be first against the wall the revolution comes, exactly, but you will wander in front of the wall at a very inopportune time."
1:38 AM May 22nd
via web
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"Your joints will start to make funny noises. Cracks and pops at first, but later chimes, ringtones, and muffled, incoherent sobbing."
10:39 PM May 20th
via web
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"You will begin to grow new, fully-functional taste buds, all over your body. Inside and out."
9:25 PM May 17th
via web
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"Even the deepest hypnosis cannot make you do anything you really don't want to do. Making you essentially immune to hypnosis."
12:06 AM May 17th
via web
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"There is an angel who exists solely to give hope to the hopeless; after first removing it from you."
9:34 PM May 15th
via web
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"The needle of your moral compass is spinning so fast it's actually become a sort of perfidious gyroscope."
10:12 PM May 14th
via web
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"Every night, the moon people emerge and rifle through your things. At least they used to. Frankly, you're starting to creep them out."
10:08 PM May 13th
via web
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"You used to be a thing of beauty, but now you're just a thing."
8:50 AM May 12th
via web
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"The disease is more beautiful than the cure."
9:35 PM May 10th
via web
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"You will eventually be ground down by the Molars of Fate, but it's the Bicuspids of Mortal Idiocy that will really tear you apart."
11:51 PM May 9th
via web
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- Name FortuneCookiesOfDoom
- Bio You know you shouldn't take one, but there's just something so irresistible about a fortune cookie...
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