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Confessionist

  1. I made my beau cry today. I mean he was fucking bawling. Then he professed his love for me. That was amazing.
  2. I fucking HATE KFC and how it's DESTROYING my digestive track right now.
  3. I bet you right now, over half the women at this Marie Calenders don't get their periods. Including wait staff.
  4. Wake up to realize that when i was drunk last night, i called each and every boy i liked in the past 3 years. THAT'S healthy.
  5. oh, and I'm going to bed with all of my makeup on. Wanna know why? Cause my skin is awesome and DOESN'T break out. SUCK IT...god i'm cocky..
  6. @mikecarano i'm starting to think that Disneyland feeds your rage more than gives you a relaxing environment to enjoy like for kids.
  7. I make commitmentphobe men fall to their knees and kick themselves for not begging to be with me.
  8. Thank you Cali Eric, for giving me the amount of sexual desire that i needed to make my period cramps go away.
  9. FURIOUS: 2 hours before my DATE, my DATE wanted to make sure that our DATE wasn't really a DATE because he's THAT MUCH of a commitmentphobe.
  10. I'm knocking it out of the park. Three prospects in 3 days. Guys are all up in me lately.
  11. This guy asked me out by having me metaphorically ask myself out...do you get it? Cause i kinda don't. Well...saturday night is filled.
  12. Do you want to know what my last boyfriend got me for my 21st birthday? A used blu-ray.
  13. Confession: most (if not all) of my attempts in masturbating result in me falling asleep. I hate touching myself.
  14. I find that it's easier to steal when u flirt w/ the workers. They trust u more when u look them in the eye as u walk out with their shit.
  15. Fuck you, Pandora for choosing the ONLY John Mayer and Coldplay songs that i like and making me feel like such a cunt.
  16. fucking douchebag cunt knocks up his girlfriend than marries her and has the AUDACITY to tell me that a relationship defines who I am?!?!?!?
  17. PS-If you guys mess up my makeup and bathroom set one more fucking time, I swear to God I will RUIN you.
  18. Dear Maids, I'm SO sorry. I didn't know you guys were coming today or else I would've hid my weed and vibrator. Love, Mela.
  19. Walked out of my class and all of a sudden joined a protest. I love college.
  20. My professor looks like she is all kinds of pregnant except i know she isn't. How tragic.