ConanOBrien
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A 6-year-old was in the National Spelling Bee Finals. She must be quite prekoshus.
about 10 hours ago
via web
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If you’re a fan of old guys and envelopes, Wednesday’s NBA Draft Lottery was the most exciting night in sports.
1:58 PM Jun 1st
via web
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Apple says they’re coming out with a big announcement. Hope it’s not about the internet history on my Macbook Pro.
8:20 AM May 31st
via web
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Taking a DNA test just to make sure I’m not a Kardashian.
7:04 AM May 30th
via web
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Just stopped at this diner in Upstate New York. I had the Special: Soup, Sandwich, and A Curse on the White Devil:
7:28 AM May 29th
via web
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There was a tropical storm named “Bud?” I assume it’s the first one to threaten the coast wearing a wife beater.
6:39 AM May 28th
via web
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I might be watching too much “Game of Thrones” because I won’t eat shrimp without first subjecting them to a loud, public beheading.
12:02 PM May 27th
via web
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A new study claims Christopher Columbus may have been Jewish. They point to his recently unearthed comedy album “Take My Spice - Please!”
11:43 AM May 26th
via web
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@, don’t doubt that I’m up to date on your team. In fact, I know Marcel Dionne and Rogie Vachon will take you all the way this year.
3:33 PM May 25th
via web
in reply to LAKings
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PS - I'm watching this @ game on my DVR. No spoilers, please.
10:34 AM May 25th
via web
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The @ are playing the @? I wonder which city that shouldn't have a hockey team will win.
10:17 AM May 25th
via web
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This morning I thought I heard a neighbor blasting that new @ song I like, but then I realized it was just the garbage truck.
9:21 AM May 24th
via web
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I’m sure the guys Mitt Romney bullied in high school take comfort in knowing he’s now a famous billionaire.
9:44 AM May 23rd
via web
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Backstage at , Tracy Morgan & I fight about if Greece's debt-to-GDP ratio is causing the Euro-Zone Recession:
3:50 PM May 22nd
via web
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A sad moment for civilization: I just bought Greece with an old can of olives.
9:16 AM May 21st
via web
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CBS greenlit a sitcom based on Groupon. Why is TBS stalling on my idea “Val-Pak Buddies?”
12:14 PM May 20th
via web
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They say “opposites attract” and yet I don’t have the hots for the Tanning Mom.
10:03 AM May 19th
via web
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Today, Facebook went public, just as MySpace’s last user went private.
10:24 AM May 18th
via web
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Going on Letterman tonight for the first time in 13 years. Dave wanted to wait until I hit puberty.
6:10 AM May 17th
via Twitter for iPhone
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.@ is considering filming her childbirth, on the off chance there’s someone out there who hasn’t seen her vagina yet.
11:18 AM May 16th
via web
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