cohills
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There's a guy getting his back waxed in the curtained-off "room" next to mine. I hope Seth Rogan & Paul Rudd are in there too. If not...eeww
about 18 hours ago
from TwitterBerry
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Because gay–hating Family Ties fans have lots of disposable income...?
about 22 hours ago
from WitStream
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Meredith Baxter is out–trending Afghanistan! And, once I again I repeat: Twitter is valued at $1 billion.
about 22 hours ago
from WitStream
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Finally got back into running. Best part: hocking some unparalleled lugeys. So satisfying. Good to see you again old friend.
about 22 hours ago
from TwitterBerry
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Gotta admire Tiger's crisis managers for believing that first "explanation" was gonna work. I bet even his grandmama didn't buy it.
about 23 hours ago
from WitStream
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As chatty/needy neighbor approaches bldg @ same time as me, I fumble for keys w/ desperate frenzy, as tho being stalked by an axe murderer.
6:10 AM Dec 2nd
from TwitterBerry
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Nmohnmmnohmglub. This birthday cake is really good.. (watching The Biggest Loser) Glubgrgllnom...Jeez that guy's really huge...(burp)
6:28 PM Dec 1st
from TwitterBerry
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The kind of jewelery advertised on TV is some of the ugliest dreck I've ever seen. DRECK.
6:24 PM Dec 1st
from TwitterBerry
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Hey men: if we can get over your jizzing, you can get over buying us a box of tampax every once in a while.
5:54 PM Dec 1st
from WitStream
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Are Biz Stone and Biz Markie related, or just really good friends?
6:39 AM Dec 1st
from WitStream
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to whoever gives me a new car someday in my imagination: a single bow is just lazy. please wrap the whole thing so i know you really care.
9:03 PM Nov 30th
from WitStream
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Really, what's better than the media reporting on a "media frenzy"?
8:42 PM Nov 30th
from WitStream
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Dear "ThisIsWhyYou'reFat:" Egg Nog Latte.
12:20 PM Nov 30th
from TwitterBerry
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Also she's marrying a Jew. Hmm let's see...something about Lewinsky maybe? Or "i hope her ham is kosher"? OK i'll keep brainstorming.
6:56 AM Nov 30th
from WitStream
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Chelsea Clinton engaged. May I be the first to say something about a cigar and an intern and/or a blue dress? Thanks, I'l be here all night.
6:54 AM Nov 30th
from WitStream
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Next week I'll be writing a short, Sarah Palin-inspired memoir spanning 4-5 days entitled "Going on the Rag." Exclusively at Duane Reade!
9:01 AM Nov 27th
from TwitterBerry
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What am I supposed to do with all the snot that's accumulated in the crook of my arm?
7:00 AM Nov 27th
from WitStream
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I'm attending The Blend: Featuring Witstream -- /?ref=estw
5:22 PM Nov 26th
from web
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Apey coooool! I'll email you with account info, prob tomorrow AM. Thanks, glad to have you!
6:30 PM Nov 25th
from txt
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@ @ @ Delaney will you tell your friends all about moi?
2:32 PM Nov 25th
from web
in reply to Apey
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