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codenameduchess

AJTTOTD: Oregano. 2:46 AM Jun 18th, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: You can sit there and stare at it all day, or you can just rip it off and wait for the hair to grow back. Just decide. (For once.) 10:59 PM Jun 8th, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: So, you're out shoe shopping, huh? Neat! But hey, look around. Are you in Italy? If not... STOP WHAT YOU'RE FUCKING DOING. 9:00 PM Jun 3rd, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: If the face is red raise the head, if the face is pale raise the tail. (I can't remember if this is for shock victims or babies). 5:22 PM Feb 7th, 2011 via web
Flipping through some old photo albums, came across a snapshot of me with... I wanna say your sister, but could it be your mom? #goodgenes 12:06 AM Feb 6th, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: Remember, there is such a thing as too much lotion. #archerfx 9:48 AM Feb 5th, 2011 via web
This might be a stupid question, but do they have to kill cows to get the cheese out? What about goats and sheeps? (Sorry, two questions.) 7:28 PM Feb 4th, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: Do whatever it takes to avoid an ingrown toenail. Even if it means hurting someone you love. 2:26 PM Feb 4th, 2011 via web
So, Don Henley's "Boys of Summer." About a serial killer, right? 9:31 PM Feb 3rd, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: Turn on your heart light. (If you even still can.) 9:48 AM Feb 3rd, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: You probably have rent or a mortgage or some vigorish or a couch payment due today. 7:20 AM Feb 1st, 2011 via web
"I got three on the hip, I need four for the weekend!" Mikita, what the hell ever happened to you? Are you still even above ground? #chili's 6:45 PM Jan 31st, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: don't be fooled into taking the Cinnamon Challenge. It's just a plot to increase consumption. (By the powerful cinnamon lobby.) 1:32 PM Jan 31st, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: You can uncork a wine bottle by putting the bottom in a shoe and hitting the sole against a hard surface (e.g., a giant diamond). 8:32 PM Jan 30th, 2011 via web
Is the State of the Union address always delivered on President's Day? Or just sometimes or rarely or never? 9:14 PM Jan 29th, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: I always try to keep a cucumber in the house. Make of that information what you will. 12:38 PM Jan 29th, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: Red chalk is a permanent substance. There is no way KNOWN TO MAN to remove it. (Not unlike this hangover, apparently.) 2:28 PM Jan 28th, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: Don't let the turkeys get you down. (Because that's when they go for your eyes with their knobbly beaks. Protect the eyes!) 1:42 PM Jan 22nd, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: Ladies: if you must pass wind while in my penthouse, please do so through a dryer sheet. (You will find some in the nightstand.) 6:37 PM Jan 20th, 2011 via web
AJTTOTD: Want to keep all of your automatic watches wound, but hate unsightly electric watch winders? Just make your valet wear them all. 11:47 AM Jan 19th, 2011 via web