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CoCosBeard

  1. I've survived to see the first show! #conanreturns
  2. How can you build a city on rock and roll? Just curious.
  3. Damnit, DJ, stop making me fall in love with people!
  4. Facebook is down? I need to post a status update about this. Oh, wait...
  5. I'm watching "Invictus". Why is Matt Damon talking so weird?!
  6. Just bought a Ralph Lauren outfit, complete with large horse labels. Does this make me a douchebag? The answer is yes.
  7. A Kenneth the Page lookalike works at my gym. I think the universe is telling me to go work out there more often?
  8. At the "Just For Laughs" festival in Montreal this week. I'd go see @deoncole, but I'd rather see Lewis Black scream at me.
  9. Why is 'Omaha Mall' trending? I didn't even know Nebraska had people, let alone a mall.
  10. Everyone give @Richter_Andy a warm welcome to Twitter!
  11. Congrats @conanobrien - 4 Emmy nods! Let's see if we can get #emmyforconan trending!
  12. For your viewing pleasure: Jack McBrayer teaches us how to keep our bitches in line. http://bit.ly/up4f2
  13. Temperatures near 100 degrees hit the East Coast this week. Looks like I won't be going outside.
  14. Happy 4th of July! I bought sparklers. The state of CT doesn't think I'm mentally sound enough to handle real fireworks.
  15. I wish I lived in a Star Trek movie. And that my name was Spock.
  16. Will an extra $10-20 million per year keep Lebron James in Cleveland? Would YOU stay in Cleveland for that much money?
  17. The new Twilight movie makes $30mil in three hours. I wish I could make that much money being pale and biting people.
  18. What not to say to a woman: "Wow! When you talk, your third chin rolls over your second chin!"
  19. I bought a Miley Cyrus song. I've listened to it 40 times so far. This is worse than my Twinkie addiction. Please help me.
  20. If @ConanOBrien is adding a vuvuzela to the band, I want to be shaved off. They sound worse than Joan Rivers' voice.