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CobraCommander

  1. Decorating the Arena of Sport for the holidays. Tinsel, lights, wreaths, anti-personnel landmines, rusty tridents, etc.
  2. Now I understand why I never got a Family Ties merit badge during my string of 80's TV Mom sexual conquests. Shanananaa!
  3. I got ta get my props. Cops come and try to steal my crops.
  4. My body stay vicious. I be up in the gym just working on my fitness.
  5. Being the S&M afficianado that I am, I strive to make every Friday a Black Friday.
  6. I am thankful for things that go boom.
  7. I am thankful for weapons and the fingers to use them.
  8. 86ed the merlot, subbed a whiskey/tryptophan/valium combo. I am thankful I can no longer feel my legs.
  9. There is not enough merlot in the world to get me through today.
  10. What is this crap? I swear B. said she was going to a midnight showing of NUDE Moon. I am in tween hell.
  11. With Oprah calling it quits, it's a shame I have no use for millions of compliant brainwashed soccer moms. Waaaaait...
  12. That whole "rubbing salt in the wound" thing? Next. Level. Shiz.
  13. I'm a veteran...of foreign whores.
  14. Another day, another dollar. Attacking Monday with the fury of 1000 shemale wolverines.
  15. Hiding IEDs in the park. Every day's the Fourth of July.
  16. Some days you just have to put your foot down. On Thursdays I like to aim for the adam's apple.
  17. Twittering while a saucy blonde bobs for my apple. Multi-tasking!
  18. Cobra office party. Someone's dressed as a slutty Zarana. Oh, wait, that's actually Zarana. My bad.
  19. Ladies, ladies, ladies...you've cranked the "Daddy Didn't Love Me" dial to 11 this year. Bravo!
  20. Totes excited to see what all the ladies in the neighborhood undress as for Halloween this year.