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CobraCommander

  1. I'm a veteran...of foreign whores.
  2. Another day, another dollar. Attacking Monday with the fury of 1000 shemale wolverines.
  3. Hiding IEDs in the park. Every day's the Fourth of July.
  4. Some days you just have to put your foot down. On Thursdays I like to aim for the adam's apple.
  5. Twittering while a saucy blonde bobs for my apple. Multi-tasking!
  6. Cobra office party. Someone's dressed as a slutty Zarana. Oh, wait, that's actually Zarana. My bad.
  7. Ladies, ladies, ladies...you've cranked the "Daddy Didn't Love Me" dial to 11 this year. Bravo!
  8. Totes excited to see what all the ladies in the neighborhood undress as for Halloween this year.
  9. Playing Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" while executing people with actual sledgehammers. I love theme days.
  10. New holiday tradition: carving jackolanterns of my enemies' faces, in my enemies' faces.
  11. The Gates releases Windows 7, yet I AM THE ONE that's a global terrorist?! Child please!
  12. http://bit.ly/1RZwwG Am I wearing HAREM PANTS in this photo? I HAVE a harem, but I don't wear their pants.
  13. Poppa been smooth since days of Underoos
  14. Submitted bug report for remote detonation app. Uncontrollable shrapnel. And by "bug report" I mean "feature request."
  15. Took Destro up on dinner invite for "old Scottish family recipes." I've been on the can so long my junk is asleep.
  16. Monday morning routine: enjoying a kiwi mangosteen smoothie with antioxidants and absinthe enhancers. Wormwood FTW!
  17. Disclaimer: NO, that is not a new Cobra prototype you see in the sky! It's just a boy in a balloon.
  18. RIP Captain Lou Albano.I appreciated your cameo in Cyndi Lauper's Goonies video. She has seen my One Eyed Willy BTW.
  19. Some days you just have to ask yourself, "What Would Thulsa Doom Do?" #wwtdd
  20. Pro tip: if she tells you her name is "Salsa" do not dip the chip. It burns! It burns!