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CobraCommander

  1. I'm a veteran...of foreign whores. 11:24 PM Nov 11th from Tweetie
  2. Another day, another dollar. Attacking Monday with the fury of 1000 shemale wolverines. 4:44 AM Nov 9th from Tweetie
  3. Hiding IEDs in the park. Every day's the Fourth of July. 9:14 AM Nov 7th from Tweetie
  4. Some days you just have to put your foot down. On Thursdays I like to aim for the adam's apple. 6:03 AM Nov 5th from web
  5. Twittering while a saucy blonde bobs for my apple. Multi-tasking! 8:39 PM Oct 31st from web
  6. Cobra office party. Someone's dressed as a slutty Zarana. Oh, wait, that's actually Zarana. My bad. 7:37 PM Oct 31st from Tweetie
  7. Ladies, ladies, ladies...you've cranked the "Daddy Didn't Love Me" dial to 11 this year. Bravo! 3:03 PM Oct 31st from Tweetie
  8. Totes excited to see what all the ladies in the neighborhood undress as for Halloween this year. 12:22 PM Oct 31st from Tweetie
  9. Playing Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" while executing people with actual sledgehammers. I love theme days. 7:50 AM Oct 29th from web
  10. New holiday tradition: carving jackolanterns of my enemies' faces, in my enemies' faces. 7:19 AM Oct 26th from Tweetie
  11. The Gates releases Windows 7, yet I AM THE ONE that's a global terrorist?! Child please! 8:57 AM Oct 23rd from Tweetie
  12. http://bit.ly/1RZwwG Am I wearing HAREM PANTS in this photo? I HAVE a harem, but I don't wear their pants. 11:46 AM Oct 22nd from Tweetie
  13. Poppa been smooth since days of Underoos 8:31 AM Oct 22nd from web
  14. Submitted bug report for remote detonation app. Uncontrollable shrapnel. And by "bug report" I mean "feature request." 8:53 AM Oct 21st from Tweetie
  15. Took Destro up on dinner invite for "old Scottish family recipes." I've been on the can so long my junk is asleep. 6:01 AM Oct 20th from Tweetie
  16. Monday morning routine: enjoying a kiwi mangosteen smoothie with antioxidants and absinthe enhancers. Wormwood FTW! 5:56 AM Oct 19th from Tweetie
  17. Disclaimer: NO, that is not a new Cobra prototype you see in the sky! It's just a boy in a balloon. 2:18 PM Oct 15th from Tweetie
  18. RIP Captain Lou Albano.I appreciated your cameo in Cyndi Lauper's Goonies video. She has seen my One Eyed Willy BTW. 3:01 PM Oct 14th from Tweetie
  19. Some days you just have to ask yourself, "What Would Thulsa Doom Do?" #wwtdd 12:07 PM Oct 13th from Tweetie
  20. Pro tip: if she tells you her name is "Salsa" do not dip the chip. It burns! It burns! 7:59 AM Oct 10th from Tweetie