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CobraCommander

  1. When did Axl Rose morph into the ginger Whoopie Goldberg? about 9 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS
  2. Baroness has a Pinterest of automatic weapons and bondage paraphernalia. It is the sexiest thing on the internet. about 18 hours ago via Tweetbot for iOS
  3. Pro tip: you can never have too many disposable ninjas on your payroll. 9:06 AM May 22nd via Tweetbot for iOS
  4. You know the part where villains elaborately explain their plot and then leave the hero? That's when I shoot them in the face. 5:34 AM May 16th via Tweetbot for iOS
  5. I have a... present... for your mother. 7:21 AM May 13th via Tweetbot for iOS
  6. Looks like we have some recruiting to do in the great state of North Carolina. 5:00 AM May 9th via Tweetbot for iOS
  7. Cinco de Tequila 2:34 PM May 5th via Tweetbot for iOS
  8. If you try to knock me you'll get mocked. I'll stir fry you in my wok. 10:26 AM May 4th via web
  9. London is installing missile launchers on apartment buildings in preparation for the Olympics. My kind of city. 1:26 PM Apr 30th via Tweetbot for iOS
  10. Dominating after-work cervezas. TGIT. 4:40 PM Apr 24th via Tweetbot for iOS
  11. I find The River Wild era Meryl Streep oddly attractive. Believe me, I'm more shocked than you. 9:37 PM Apr 18th via Tweetbot for iOS
  12. When Mindbender farts it sounds like an effeminate goose honking. You can't make this stuff up. 6:17 AM Apr 13th via Tweetbot for iOS
  13. Every time I see Tony Romo wear his hat backwards I get an inch closer to completely obliterating Texas 12:58 PM Apr 11th via web
  14. I love that your country's ultimate diss is deleting an app! I remember when people used bombs to make a point. 2:06 PM Apr 9th via web
  15. Let's make something go boom. 4:09 PM Apr 4th via Tweetbot for iOS
  16. You can usually fit an entire paper clip underneath someone's fingernail before they pass out. 11:29 AM Mar 30th via Tweetbot for iOS
  17. The best way to not get a erection during a massage is to imagine Rick Steves telling you about B&B's in Tuscany 6:36 PM Mar 25th via web
  18. Sundays are useful to rest up for all the skullcrushing in the upcoming week. 4:21 PM Mar 25th via Tweetbot for iOS
  19. Africa has been playing the Hunger Games for the last 30 years. 10:50 AM Mar 23rd via web
  20. You think I’m a villain? Have you ever dealt with Paypal? They make me look positively pedestrian. 4:07 PM Mar 22nd via Tweetbot for iOS