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  1. Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide. 6:00 AM Sep 21st from cltwitter
  2. Chuck Norris can chug a gallon of milk and not throw up. 6:00 AM Sep 20th from cltwitter
  3. It is impossible to charge Chuck Norris with "obstruction of justice", since even Chuck Norris cannot be in two places at the same time. 6:00 AM Sep 19th from cltwitter
  4. As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris." 6:00 AM Sep 18th from cltwitter
  5. Diamonds are not carbon but, in fact, Chuck Norris' fecal matter, proven when Van Damme's bone fragments were found inside the Hope Diamond. 6:00 AM Sep 17th from cltwitter
  6. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open. 6:00 AM Sep 16th from cltwitter
  7. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe. 6:00 AM Sep 15th from cltwitter
  8. Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time. 6:00 AM Sep 14th from cltwitter
  9. Alien vs. Predator was originally Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. It was cancelled as no one would pay 9 dollars for a movie 14 sec long 6:00 AM Sep 12th from cltwitter
  10. The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off. 6:00 AM Sep 11th from cltwitter
  11. Chuck Norris can MAKE water run uphill. 6:00 AM Sep 4th from cltwitter
  12. There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control. 6:00 AM Sep 3rd from cltwitter
  13. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 6:00 AM Sep 2nd from cltwitter
  14. Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil. 6:00 AM Aug 31st from cltwitter
  15. July 4th is Independence day. And the day Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence? i think not. 6:00 AM Aug 30th from cltwitter
  16. Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol. 6:00 AM Aug 28th from cltwitter
  17. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. A Chuck Norris a day kills. 6:00 AM Aug 27th from cltwitter
  18. Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but BBQ-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets. 6:00 AM Aug 26th from cltwitter
  19. If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period. 6:00 AM Aug 24th from cltwitter
  20. Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! 6:00 AM Aug 23rd from cltwitter