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  1. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
  2. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he says "2 seconds till" After you ask "till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face
  3. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
  4. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.
  5. Chuck Norris played russian roulette with a loaded gun and won.
  6. Chuck Norris can take a woman's virginity twice.
  7. Chuck Norris invented all the colors, except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  8. Chuck Norris killed the producers of the movie "BrokeBack Mountain" for stealing the name of the pile of dead ninjas in his backyard.
  9. Chuck Norris took a math test and put down "violence" for every answer and got a perfect score. He solves all his problems with violence.
  10. "Paraplegic" is the medical term for "Chuck Norris'd."
  11. Chuck Norris is currently suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
  12. Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.
  13. Chuck Norris goes fishing by cutting himself and swimming in shark infested waters.
  14. Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
  15. Chuck Norris smokes after sex. Not cigarettes, his penis literally smokes.
  16. Chuck Norris invented the spoon, because killing people with a knife was just to easy.
  17. Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card.
  18. Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it.
  19. When Chuck Norris takes a shower, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris'ed.
  20. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.