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  1. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. 10:36 PM Jan 13th from Seesmic
  2. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he says "2 seconds till" After you ask "till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face 12:16 AM Dec 21st, 2009 from Seesmic
  3. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. 1:33 PM Nov 1st, 2009 from Seesmic
  4. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it. 9:07 AM Oct 31st, 2009 from Seesmic
  5. Chuck Norris played russian roulette with a loaded gun and won. 8:59 AM Sep 26th, 2009 from Seesmic
  6. Chuck Norris can take a woman's virginity twice. 9:46 AM Sep 22nd, 2009 from Seesmic
  7. Chuck Norris invented all the colors, except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. 11:09 PM Sep 17th, 2009 from twhirl
  8. Chuck Norris killed the producers of the movie "BrokeBack Mountain" for stealing the name of the pile of dead ninjas in his backyard. 1:47 AM Sep 11th, 2009 from twhirl
  9. Chuck Norris took a math test and put down "violence" for every answer and got a perfect score. He solves all his problems with violence. 3:29 AM Sep 8th, 2009 from twhirl
  10. "Paraplegic" is the medical term for "Chuck Norris'd." 7:47 AM Aug 28th, 2009 from twhirl
  11. Chuck Norris is currently suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. 3:39 AM Jul 17th, 2009 from twhirl
  12. Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned. 11:07 AM Jul 16th, 2009 from twhirl
  13. Chuck Norris goes fishing by cutting himself and swimming in shark infested waters. 11:06 AM Jul 16th, 2009 from twhirl
  14. Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in. 4:43 AM Jul 10th, 2009 from twhirl
  15. Chuck Norris smokes after sex. Not cigarettes, his penis literally smokes. 10:47 PM Jul 9th, 2009 from twhirl
  16. Chuck Norris invented the spoon, because killing people with a knife was just to easy. 9:30 AM Jul 2nd, 2009 from twhirl
  17. Chuck Norris can get Blackjack with just one card. 6:59 AM Jun 30th, 2009 from twhirl
  18. Water boils faster when Chuck Norris watches it. 7:15 AM Jun 27th, 2009 from twhirl
  19. When Chuck Norris takes a shower, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris'ed. 6:03 AM Jun 22nd, 2009 from twhirl
  20. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. 10:02 AM Jun 19th, 2009 from twhirl