christoFoWalken
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Phil Spector has been sentenced to 19 years for looking too much like an older version of Andy Dick. I'd say he got off easy.
12:41 PM May 29th
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On days when no mail arrives I pretend for just a few seconds that it's a secret holiday. Today is "Robot Pigeon Day." Celebrate, wont you?
12:49 PM May 28th
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Mrs. Liebowitz has taken her cat in for counseling. Kirstie Alley is understandably upset. Cats have a slimming effect. According to Xenu.
8:04 AM May 18th
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Dick Cheney is tuning up for his World Tour. I very much want to catch his performance at the Hague. I hope he does some of his old stuff.
9:27 AM May 11th
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Mia Farrow has suspended her hunger strike after 13 days. I did not see that coming. Valerie Bertinelli is behind this, I'm sure.
8:52 AM May 9th
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The neighbor kid is addicted to nicotine gum and Tamiflu. I'm not a big baseball fan but I think the kid might have a future.
11:36 AM May 7th
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We're now referring to torture as "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques." Death has been renamed "Severe Heart Slowness." Just so you know.
10:18 AM May 1st
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I saw that American singing show this week. The one where Eddy Munster screams like a Velociraptor. I think we're doomed as a people.
12:02 PM Apr 30th
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I saw Dolly Parton yesterday evening. She seemed particularly fire-retardant. I wonder now if she might not be a vampire. Or think she is.
2:17 PM Apr 29th
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It's a beautiful day. The neighbor boy is practicing his swim strokes on the pavement. He's getting very good but seems a little dangerous.
1:26 PM Apr 28th
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I hope someone crafts a joke about pigs flying today. I, for one, will not see that coming.
7:42 AM Apr 27th
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I'm invited to a polo match. It's in Jonestown so I could be asking one of you for a ride home.
8:55 AM Apr 24th
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I misspoke. The part of Mia Farrow in this week's hunger strike will actually be played by David Blaine. He'll be on a pole or something.
1:50 PM Apr 23rd
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Mia Farrow is going on a hunger strike. I don't know what she's protesting but everyone else probably does. That's the important thing.
12:00 PM Apr 23rd
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"Constipated Man-Goose." I don't know if that was really Cheney's secret code name or not. So many of these details are classified still.
11:04 AM Apr 22nd
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I said, "Howdy!" and she took offense. Now I'm wondering if "howdy" means something else in Canadian. This is a very complicated toll booth.
2:36 PM Apr 21st
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Mr. Obama has promised aid to help combat Mexican drug cartels. In the States we call these "Corporations." It's a very uncomfortable topic.
8:20 AM Apr 16th
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I don't know where to come down on the Ashton Kutcher/CNN thing. I'm hoping they just cancel each other out. Like big, stupid headphones.
11:48 AM Apr 15th
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Someone sent me a note and said that it wouldn't kill me to be more conversational here. It was no-one I know. So maybe it would.
10:31 AM Apr 15th
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A fat kid farted near the apples while his friend captured the event on video. Very moving. Probably Rush Limbaugh Fan Fiction. Who knows?
8:50 AM Apr 15th
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- Name Christopher Winfrey
- Location Manhattan
- Bio I serve at the pleasure of Secretary Kutcher.
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