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CaytonHolland

  1. Today in my city is The People's Fair. A good joke would be if it was just one really long line for bread. about 11 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  2. Realize I'm eight years behind on this but Cake. Pressure Chief. Rules. about 11 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  3. Pretty sure this is a euphemism for gay sex twitter.com/CaytonHolland/… about 13 hours ago via Twitter for iPhone
  4. 'In my defense, your honor, I was only trying to industrialize the countryside.' - Me, at the Hague, 2027 2:23 PM Jun 2nd via Twitter for iPhone
  5. Really looking forward to spending my birthday with my @Hooters family, the only people who really get me. 10:55 AM Jun 2nd via Twitter for iPhone
  6. 'What the hell league you been playing in? 'California Penal.' 'Oh man that's good.' - Me, to myself, alone in the back of a cab just now 8:47 PM Jun 1st via Twitter for iPhone
  7. “@ChristStephens: @CaytonHolland thanks for noticing my stupidity.” Thanks for displaying it. 7:18 PM Jun 1st via Twitter for iPhone
  8. “@ChristStephens: @southstands303 and you said @caytonholland was a comedian” - You misused you're in your twitter bio. Twice. 6:52 PM Jun 1st via Twitter for iPhone
  9. I can't believe they ended The Sopranos so Christopher could hawk tequila. 6:11 PM Jun 1st via Twitter for iPhone
  10. Please watch my buddy @nottjmiller's hilarious short 'I'm Having a Hard Time Killing My Parents.' It's a documentary: FunnyOrDie.com/m/6vpm 4:07 PM Jun 1st via Twitter for iPhone
  11. "Essentially it's 'Your drinking coffee? Stop being a faggot'! "- Pitch meeting for 5 Hour Energy's new Cowboy campaign. 1:58 PM Jun 1st via Twitter for iPhone
  12. Does anyone have some cool photos of high top sneakers they could spam me? 12:18 PM Jun 1st via Twitter for iPhone
  13. #FF way more famous comics than me who I want everyone to know I kind-of know/passive-aggressively hope will return this #FF 9:47 AM Jun 1st via Twitter for iPhone
  14. I enjoy the symmetry of always masturbating alone to Hope Solo. 9:06 AM Jun 1st via Twitter for iPhone
  15. Just picked up a used The Presidents of the United Stated CD for $4.99. Anyone wanna neck in the back of 'Clueless?' 4:48 PM May 31st via Twitter for iPhone
  16. Troy Tulowitzki is on the DL for the next fifteen days. I will be fasting that entire time. #Rockies 3:53 PM May 31st via Twitter for iPhone
  17. Alright. Bird feeder is freshly stocked with some pretty choice feed. Any birds on here spread the word. 3:15 PM May 31st via Twitter for iPhone
  18. Comics head shots go staged humorous, black & white, then incorporating a mic, then actually performing, then remember when he was thin? 1:16 PM May 31st via Twitter for iPhone