cavecanum_com
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When I drop food on the floor meant for my kids, I use the 5 second rule: If it was meant for my husband, I have like a 5 year rule.
about 3 hours ago
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I've gained enough weight that I couldn't get the wedding ring off my finger if I wanted to. And believe me, I want to.
7:15 AM Nov 25th
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I am convinced that 'dreaming' is the body taking some downtime while the brain uploads all of the day's information to the Mothership.
10:48 AM Nov 24th
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In real life, I wish I could answer people by clicking on a YES or NO button. And a CLOSE WINDOW button would be really helpful too.
4:39 AM Nov 23rd
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My mother threw me a sweet 16 birthday party and only one person came. That was almost 20 years ago and I still cringe when I think about it
12:22 PM Nov 22nd
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I cook a steak for my dog on his birthday.
9:11 AM Nov 21st
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I write "xmas" instead of "christmas" on my mother's card because I know it bugs her.
10:23 AM Nov 20th
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When I'm on a road trip, I always buy Snapple instead of Coke because if really necessary, it's much easier to pee into a Snapple bottle.
5:35 AM Nov 18th
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The woman I really wanted turned me down so I married my "safety" wife.
9:36 AM Nov 17th
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Late at night, I've gone through my boss's trash can just to see what's up.
11:13 AM Nov 16th
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I get a little nervous when I'm driving in a tunnel and there is a yellow Ryder truck next to me. That's the one used by terrorists.
6:43 AM Nov 15th
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College. Contest: find the ugliest girl on campus. They made me a contestant. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about it.
6:38 AM Nov 14th
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I always anonymously vote for myself as employee of the month.
10:00 AM Nov 13th
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I don't actually sing out loud in church. I just mouth along with the words. Sorry God, but it's probably better for everyone that way.
9:43 AM Nov 12th
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When I was a kid I thought vanilla shakes were for girls and chocolate shakes were for boys. I always got strawberry. Yup, you guessed it...
8:39 AM Nov 11th
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Even though I have a rule of absolutely no sex on the first date - none, not a chance - I always wear a pair of sexy undies just in case.
5:48 AM Nov 9th
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I still get a lump in my throat and struggle to hold back tears when I'm in a store and see the displays of Mother's Day cards.
12:14 PM Nov 8th
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I could never say this out loud to anyone, but as a physics grad student, my ultimate life's goal is to have an element named after me.
6:39 AM Nov 7th
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I never use the credit feature of a credit card. When the bill comes in, I pay in full. I think I'm missing out on something very American.
6:37 AM Nov 6th
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I've got a job interview this afternoon. I wore my most conservative outfit to work today; I'm also wearing Cookie Monster underwear.
5:34 AM Nov 5th
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