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carrmah

  1. If you're looking for me in the morning, I'll be passed out in front of my neighbor's lawn posing as a deflated-blowup-Santa lawn ornament.
  2. I'm at a great party with really fun people except for that drunk idiot in the corner updating my twitter status.
  3. I have fond childhood memories of decorating the tree as our family sung "Please Daddy Don't get Drunk this Christmas"
  4. Of course I can't remember how old our children are, it's like the number changes every year.
  5. you prolly know this already but @tammyphinney is very funny. #FollowSaturday
  6. Christmas is the season when I eat chocolate-covered-almonds sprinkled with salt from my tears.
  7. When you see @plaid_lemur let him brag about his 3rd nipple (affectionately named Tripple). Don't mention that it's actually his nose.
  8. I'd go Caroling tonight but the Carols in this town aren't very pretty.
  9. @MDuette oops sorry about.
  10. Photo: I just got this family Christmas card from the Woods family http://tumblr.com/x6b4ghjza
  11. RT @Beef_Tongue: It's not even worth coming on with all the childish bullshit about stars. Star however you wish and shut the fuck up. ...
  12. When life gets you drunk on limoncellos, order a limousine.
  13. happy holidays, peace & love to everyone. yep, EVERYONE. ♫ http://blip.fm/~haml7
  14. RT @rands: Invest in people who build.
  15. RT @BeauBock: I came here to get away from real life drama and laugh a little. That, my friends, is precisely what I intend to do Carr ... ...
  16. Why can't we all just get a thong?
  17. superfluous [soo-pur-floo-uhs] -adjective Allowing someone with h1n1 to sneeze over a group of people.
  18. This too shall pass gas
  19. The folks who processed my blood work have renamed my triglycerides to quadglycerides.
  20. Much to the disappointment of my mother, I'm not @debihope