carollaquotes
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Adam Carolla's famous cranberry sauce recipe:
9:54 AM Nov 26th
from Tweetie
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"My philosophy is: figure out what you want to do in life then take a nap."
9:34 AM Nov 12th
from Tweetie
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"$300 a week of your parents money for coke? My parents didn't even have enough money for me to be in to stems and seeds."
11:39 AM Oct 22nd
from Tweetie
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"Getting a BJ from a virgin, however, has all the great trappings of the virginity part with none of the baggage."
10:28 PM Oct 21st
from Tweetie
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"To me the whole AIDS thing was a windfall for the fans of the BJ. That was our biggest day. 'Hats off to AIDS' is what the BJ fans say."
10:26 PM Oct 21st
from Tweetie
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"One of the only good things about getting older is not stubbing your toe, but when you do it brings you back."
9:55 PM Oct 21st
from Tweetie
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"You act like the DHS got spy photos of your kid using a dinner fork to eat a salad. Who are you, Heloise? You're a horrible parent!"
7:06 AM Sep 16th
from Tweetie
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"If I could fly there'd be no leg movement—I'd look like a cripple that was lifted out of his chair and dropped into a pool. Just dangling."
4:54 PM Sep 15th
from Tweetie
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"The military molds you, but at junior college you actually grow mold on you. Spores start forming."
7:26 AM Sep 15th
from Tweetie
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"My dad couldn't play the poor house card because we lived in the poor house."
12:18 PM Sep 11th
from Tweetie
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"Let me tell you something about wine coolers... they're yummy. I'd drink them if it wasn't just like drinking a bunch of corn syrup."
6:52 AM Sep 1st
from Tweetie
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"And your explanation of you being truthful is one more rung in your blowhard a-hole ladder."
10:35 PM Aug 30th
from Tweetie
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"Just go to town, son. Cuz I'm going to dip you in something, and by then they'll have shots and oral this and pills and whatever."
10:41 AM Aug 27th
from Tweetie
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"You don't have to trust THEM, you just have to hump them. They have to trust YOU enough to let you hump them."
9:28 AM Aug 25th
from Tweetie
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"And remember, the day you stop having fun as a parent, you quit. That's what my parents did."
8:31 AM Aug 7th
from Tweetie
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"If I was trapped on some island and a case of douche and nail polish remover rolled up believe me, that would be my drink."
3:30 PM Aug 6th
from Tweetie
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"Somehow in the 70's everyone went 'I don't care if I live in a one bedroom apartment, I need 9 barstools!'"
8:22 AM Aug 5th
from Tweetie
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"Pot shrinks your penis about as much as the pump enlarges it."
1:14 PM Jul 24th
from Tweetie
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"Wouldn't it be ironic if you were killed by a drunk driver who wasn't actually in their car? They drove to your house drunk and shot you."
11:02 AM Jul 20th
from Tweetie
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"She won't have a bachelor's degree by 22. She may be dancing at a bachelor party at 22."
10:17 AM Jul 20th
from Tweetie
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- Name Adam Carolla Quotes
- Bio Quotes from Loveline 1995-2005 and The Adam Carolla Podcast
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