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captions

  1. While you were on vacation, Zooker, a motion was made and seconded to saw five and a half inches off your chair legs.
  2. I’m trying to put my priorities behind me.
  3. I’d like to congratulate you on dying with dignity.
  4. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that we found each other through regular channels.
  5. O.K., the third of July is out. How about the fourth?
  6. I hate getting all these Canadian coins, but I guess that’s the price of living in Toronto.
  7. ‘No Brainers’ for a thousand, Alex.
  8. The eye patch is just to keep me from fixating on the hook.
  9. The problem with you is that you try to be a lot nicer than you really are.
  10. Would you mind talking to me for a while? I forgot my cell phone.
  11. Every Sunday, the same thing: we watch the ducks from Bow Bridge, I think about pushing you in, and then we go to that stupid Mexican place.
  12. I can cure your back problem, but there’s a risk that you’ll be left with nothing to talk about.
  13. I beg to differ, I find ‘Bad’ to be every bit as good as, and in some respects far superior to, ‘Thriller.’
  14. Where is Liz Taylor in my hour of need?
  15. No, no, your job’s not going out of the country to some foreign bastard. We’re just firing you.
  16. It’s not the heat or the humidity. It’s the self-recrimination over not finding a way to get out of the city this summer.
  17. In twenty-five expletives or less, what sort of day did you have?
  18. We’re tunnelling out after lunch—pass it on.
  19. Now, we can get all those repressed memories the easy way or the hard way.
  20. No, I don’t need an alarm clock—anxiety is my alarm clock.