Get short, timely messages from Mike.

Twitter is a rich source of instantly updated information. It's easy to stay updated on an incredibly wide variety of topics. Join today and follow @capn_1eye.

Get updates via SMS by texting follow capn_1eye to 40404 in the United States
Codes for other countries

Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:
Country Code For customers of
Australia
  • 0198089488 Telstra
Canada
  • 21212 (any)
United Kingdom
  • 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
Indonesia
  • 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel
Ireland
  • 51210 O2
India
  • 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon
Jordan
  • 90903 Zain
New Zealand
  • 8987 Vodafone, Telecom NZ
United States
  • 40404 (any)

capn_1eye

  1. I guess I need to buy the paid version of Scramble With Friends. By the time the free version loads, I'm already finished pooping. :( 10:40 AM May 24th via Tweetbot for iOS
  2. If I keep working so much I'm going to lose my eligibility to win American Idle. 6:08 PM May 22nd via Tweetbot for iOS
  3. If HR doesn't want me to rock out with my cock out, they should really specify that in the employee handbook. 1:15 PM May 21st via Tweetbot for iOS
  4. I’m just one bad goatee away from starring in a Pure Sleep ™ commercial. 6:07 AM May 20th via TweetDeck
  5. There's no better alarm clock than the human bladder. 5:44 AM May 20th via Tweetbot for iOS
  6. I've been apathetic since when the fuck ever. 7:10 PM May 17th via Favstar.FM
  7. I want to run for office so I can get paid to circle jerk. 7:08 PM May 17th via Favstar.FM
  8. I feel sorry for my kid. His friends never visit again after their first time over. Maybe I should stop introducing them to The Gimp. 4:54 PM May 16th via Tweetbot for iOS
  9. I keep lots of junk around my place so maybe someday the American Pickers guys will show up. Yeah, the HOA didn't buy that, either. 4:45 PM May 16th via Tweetbot for iOS
  10. This hot car sales lady on tv is making me have my own tent event. 4:39 PM May 14th via Tweetbot for iOS
  11. Any time the cafeteria line is too long, I usually just sneak in the bacteria. 3:25 PM May 14th via Tweetbot for iOS
  12. Having a pinched nerve in your back severely limits your reach. Every time I try to wipe, I feel like a T rex trying to masturbate. 10:40 AM May 10th via Tweetbot for iOS
  13. Streaming video always makes me have to pee. 5:01 PM May 8th via Tweetbot for iOS
  14. Next time you berate your woman for having low self-esteem, just realize that's probably the only reason she's even with your sorry ass. 2:05 PM May 3rd via Tweetbot for iOS
  15. I don't understand why people don't like cops. I think they do a great job. Of showing up at the precise moment I disobey a traffic law. 4:40 PM May 1st via Tweetbot for iOS
  16. @shariv67 me too!! 5:41 PM Apr 29th via Twitter for BlackBerry® in reply to shariv67
  17. The quickest way to end an argument with me is to start a sentence with, "Well the Bible says," because at that point I stop listening. 6:07 PM Apr 24th via Tweetbot for iOS
  • Name Mike
  • Location Nashville
  • Web http://therealcap...
  • Bio My past lives: http://favstar.fm/users/sleepndad and http://favstar.fm/users/Capn1Eye Don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed.
852 Following 894 Followers 90 Listed
Almostme Hollywood Crab madmax thompson @JETTrEdRhYmInHoOd Shane Cink I0I0JΞRЯØD0I0I stephie hell the pied piper ☀Born for burning☀ AngerEatsMe Cecelia Matthew Calabrese Joe Schmitt Kelly Shannon Kelly✩ Bill tackie_jackie ShesLump Frederick_Tweetup grape soduh Malted Titty Shakes Hankenstein Kelkulus Says Stuff merry mr. mehdle Mothra Stewart Chris Burns Nobody The Real Theodore nicki LG Aaron Cross Pkmn Mstr Ed. ✰Shamanfox✰ Trey Knotta Boy ChemicalRestraint YummyMummyAllie