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capitocapito

  1. Next time I fly with friends we'll pick a stranger, sit in random seats and tell the attendant that they look suspicious. Hilarity ensues. 4 minutes ago from HootSuite
  2. Capito's Turkey Day Tip: You know tryptophan, the chemical in turkey meat that makes you sleepy? That's in other meats, too. Stop slacking. 6:19 PM Nov 26th from HootSuite
  3. The only rule of "Tornado Drill" is "Keep yelling until someone loses." Ambiguity keeps my new game interesting. 7:24 PM Nov 25th from HootSuite
  4. "What are you watching?" Negima. "Is that like Digimon?" No. "Is it better than Digimon?" NO. What the hell is "laser fluid," anyways? 9:35 PM Nov 24th from HootSuite
  5. If the WalMart Christmas section was made into a perfume it would be labeled "Cinnamon Urinal." 11:30 AM Nov 24th from web
  6. I went to go help fix a computer in the video game room and found that the case is made out of cardboard and duct tape. SAAAAMMMMMMMM. 4:30 PM Nov 21st from HootSuite
  7. Dinesh D'Souza is very loud and unconvincing. If I organized the prefect debate team, he would not be on it. 4:50 PM Nov 20th from HootSuite
  8. I've invented a new party game. It's called "Tornado Drill." It involves a lot of screaming, but no tornadoes. 4:00 PM Nov 19th from HootSuite
  9. Whenever I use the urinal that is closest to a stall I fear that a devious defecator will reach underneath the barrier and untie my shoes. 4:30 PM Nov 18th from HootSuite
  10. In the case that blind Teresa buys our nude staff calendar, we can always make an audio CD where we talk dirty about holidays. 4:45 PM Nov 17th from HootSuite
  11. "Awwwww, Rebecca tried to look at something, but she couldn't." Apparently it's not cute to make fun of her increasing myopia. 3:55 PM Nov 16th from HootSuite
  12. My perfect cell-phone sudoku program would start with all 3's in one block. You can't start the game until you cry sincerely into the mic. 3:25 PM Nov 15th from HootSuite
  13. Let's see if I can get a religious-university diploma mill to give me a PhD in some theological study for cheap. Any ideas? Wish me luck! 4:00 PM Nov 14th from HootSuite
  14. I love it when old people in KFC argue how tall Bob Barker was. 2:25 PM Nov 13th from HootSuite
  15. Deer hunting? Forget that. Let's reserve a hunting season for people who put auto-tuned cat videos on YouTube. http://ow.ly/BtT0 4:50 PM Nov 12th from HootSuite
  16. You know the student organization poster is a hit sensation when someone writes on it that you're going to burn in Hell for eternity. 3:10 PM Nov 11th from HootSuite
  17. In millions of years archaeologists of a new society will find bones of our cats and compare them to our literature. "It must be a Pokémon!" 4:20 PM Nov 10th from HootSuite
  18. Sure, Google Voice transcriptions understand dog barks but it still doesn't correctly transcribe what my dad is saying. http://ow.ly/AJEf 7:50 AM Nov 9th from web
  19. Ever have a server mark your soda "Diet" when it isn't? Maybe they're trying to tell me something. "Don't eat fast food, fatty." Probably. 8:25 PM Nov 8th from HootSuite
  20. Uh oh! My computer is already having disk problems. I can hear the disk-check utility calculating how much time is remaining on my warranty. 7:25 PM Nov 7th from HootSuite