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cactusprak

  1. I just put on a pair of jeans i havent wore in 6 years for shits and giggles and found 13 bucks! Twitter, will you go see Avatar in 3d ...
  2. this was a mistake.
  3. Watching the food network with my pants off and trying to remember if i ate at wendy's twice today?
  4. What pisses me off the most is that people 50 years ago promised wed have flying cars by now. Fuck scientists and the jetsons.
  5. Ever drink enough caffine and tobacco products to give yourself a heart attack and then try to take a nap? It's like trying to sleep drunk.
  6. Fucking twitter won't let me finish a complete thought.
  7. Best way to start every weekend: get hammered drunk on friday, china buffet in the morning, destroy bathroom in best buy, purchase elect ...
  8. I drink your milkshake! I drink it up!!1
  9. I find family guy uncomfortably offensive, yet charmingly delightful.
  10. State of california, you are officially dead to me.
  11. Yannow how they say driving tired is the same as driving drunk? Yeah try driving 3 hours after being up for 24.
  12. Thinking about hiring a hooker so i can drive in the car pool lane.
  13. Scott bielec is the best singing teacher ever. Happy birthday.
  14. 1510 to Yuma.
  15. That's when the shit hit the fan. -Airplane
  16. What do badass infantry platoon commanders do when they have mondays off? This one goes shopping to fill in the emptiness.
  17. Does anyone really "enjoy" camping? Not a happy camper
  18. Yannow what'd be really funny? Bowling.
  19. Taking the boys on a field trip.
  20. On duty all night reading the ayatollah begs to differ.