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bsc9q

  1. nationwide clamor for National Doughnut Day freebies. US libraries, sources of free knowledge for centuries, reported no lines, as usual. about 12 hours ago via HootSuite
  2. new survey finds 1 in 5 adults admit to urinating in swimming pools; researchers eagerly await "who farted in the elevator?" survey results. 1:00 PM Jun 1st via HootSuite
  3. "The Waltons" to reunite, pleasing everyone but the Tea Party. "That show portrayed the 1930s, which is far too modern for us," they said. 7:31 AM Jun 1st via HootSuite
  4. White House unveils W. Bush portrait. "It was a nightmare," said the artist. "I had to give him 5 coloring books to get him to sit still." 11:01 AM May 31st via HootSuite
  5. Poland PM demands Obama apology for "death camp" remark. "I plan a stronger response as soon as I finish changing this light bulb," he said. 11:30 AM May 30th via HootSuite
  6. ManhattanHenge tonight! setting sun aligns with east/west streets, affording perfect view of all the litter. (year-round smells unaffected) 4:00 PM May 29th via HootSuite
  7. nursery rhyme fun! "puppy dog tails" that little boys are made of: are they the product of corpse dismemberment or just unspeakable cruelty? 12:30 PM May 29th via HootSuite
  8. big summer sales predicted for Gregg Allman memoir "My Cross to Bear," especially after title change from "I'm a Colossal Asshole" 8:01 AM May 28th via HootSuite
  9. my "Let's Get Drunk & Have Sex at Your Cousin's BBQ" T-shirts aren't selling. I think it's because of the photo I used for the back. 1:01 PM May 27th via HootSuite
  10. oddly enough, American cows also have a Memorial Day, and it's the same date as ours! what are the odds!? 2:30 PM May 26th via HootSuite
  11. why are Drs' scrubs fine to wear in restaurants but my hooker uniform is unwelcome in the OR? both represent the same degree of hygiene. 10:02 AM May 25th via HootSuite
  12. USAF graduates 1st group of openly gay cadets. "finally, Top Gun's implied promise of absurdly gay military pilots is reality," they said. 7:01 AM May 24th via HootSuite
  13. Beijing rules public restrooms can have only 2 flies. "I'm off to China!" said Larry Craig before being told the rule governs actual flies. 5:29 PM May 23rd via HootSuite
  14. "unavoidable" repetition in Secret Service testimony: "We wanted to be sure we had correct phone #s for all these girls," said the Senate. 10:30 AM May 23rd via HootSuite
  15. Ray J hospitalized for exhaustion; reignites linguistic debate over whether "Kardashian" is Armenian for "Succubus" or "useless harlot." 5:00 PM May 22nd via HootSuite
  16. doesn't the NC pastor realize that enclosing all the gays inside an electric fence is a sure way to start the biggest gay orgy of all time!? 11:00 AM May 22nd via HootSuite
  17. Strauss-Kahn scoffs at Facebook's IPO worry. "I've been doing IPOs for years whether they like it or not, if you know what I mean," he said. 12:11 PM May 21st via web
  18. after fashioning a pinhole projector to watch the eclipse, I can honestly say that HOLY SHIT I'M TOO FUCKING BORED EVEN TO FINISH THIS POST 10:21 PM May 20th via HootSuite
  19. guests reported that Priscilla Chan "looked tired" at Zuckerberg wedding. pretty catty, considering that she'd just run the Preakness. 7:30 AM May 20th via HootSuite
  20. Mark Zuckerberg & Al Gore have girlfriends, who report progress. "We think they'll soon be able to approximate human emotions," they said. 3:01 PM May 18th via HootSuite