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nationwide clamor for National Doughnut Day freebies. US libraries, sources of free knowledge for centuries, reported no lines, as usual.
about 12 hours ago
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new survey finds 1 in 5 adults admit to urinating in swimming pools; researchers eagerly await "who farted in the elevator?" survey results.
1:00 PM Jun 1st
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"The Waltons" to reunite, pleasing everyone but the Tea Party. "That show portrayed the 1930s, which is far too modern for us," they said.
7:31 AM Jun 1st
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White House unveils W. Bush portrait. "It was a nightmare," said the artist. "I had to give him 5 coloring books to get him to sit still."
11:01 AM May 31st
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Poland PM demands Obama apology for "death camp" remark. "I plan a stronger response as soon as I finish changing this light bulb," he said.
11:30 AM May 30th
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ManhattanHenge tonight! setting sun aligns with east/west streets, affording perfect view of all the litter. (year-round smells unaffected)
4:00 PM May 29th
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nursery rhyme fun! "puppy dog tails" that little boys are made of: are they the product of corpse dismemberment or just unspeakable cruelty?
12:30 PM May 29th
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big summer sales predicted for Gregg Allman memoir "My Cross to Bear," especially after title change from "I'm a Colossal Asshole"
8:01 AM May 28th
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my "Let's Get Drunk & Have Sex at Your Cousin's BBQ" T-shirts aren't selling. I think it's because of the photo I used for the back.
1:01 PM May 27th
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oddly enough, American cows also have a Memorial Day, and it's the same date as ours! what are the odds!?
2:30 PM May 26th
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why are Drs' scrubs fine to wear in restaurants but my hooker uniform is unwelcome in the OR? both represent the same degree of hygiene.
10:02 AM May 25th
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USAF graduates 1st group of openly gay cadets. "finally, Top Gun's implied promise of absurdly gay military pilots is reality," they said.
7:01 AM May 24th
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Beijing rules public restrooms can have only 2 flies. "I'm off to China!" said Larry Craig before being told the rule governs actual flies.
5:29 PM May 23rd
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"unavoidable" repetition in Secret Service testimony: "We wanted to be sure we had correct phone for all these girls," said the Senate.
10:30 AM May 23rd
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Ray J hospitalized for exhaustion; reignites linguistic debate over whether "Kardashian" is Armenian for "Succubus" or "useless harlot."
5:00 PM May 22nd
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doesn't the NC pastor realize that enclosing all the gays inside an electric fence is a sure way to start the biggest gay orgy of all time!?
11:00 AM May 22nd
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Strauss-Kahn scoffs at Facebook's IPO worry. "I've been doing IPOs for years whether they like it or not, if you know what I mean," he said.
12:11 PM May 21st
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after fashioning a pinhole projector to watch the eclipse, I can honestly say that HOLY SHIT I'M TOO FUCKING BORED EVEN TO FINISH THIS POST
10:21 PM May 20th
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guests reported that Priscilla Chan "looked tired" at Zuckerberg wedding. pretty catty, considering that she'd just run the Preakness.
7:30 AM May 20th
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Mark Zuckerberg & Al Gore have girlfriends, who report progress. "We think they'll soon be able to approximate human emotions," they said.
3:01 PM May 18th
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