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brianmhansen

mostlynose Sad day today: made rags from my American Univ t-shirt. Treated me well for 13yrs, but now smells like feet & wood. #piratepegleg 10:34 AM May 24th via web Retweeted by brianmhansen
mostlynose I just sat on my balls. #onlydownsidetobigballs 1:16 PM May 23rd via web Retweeted by brianmhansen
mostlynose "You take a compliment REALLY well... like SO well... you're like the Michael Jordan of taking compliments." #notarealcompliment 9:19 AM May 20th via web Retweeted by brianmhansen
mostlynose #ifonlyicould Raise $ for fighting cancer by holding a solo masturbata-thon. #spoogeoncancer 2:25 PM May 17th via web Retweeted by brianmhansen
mostlynose I think it's fine to hi-5 yourself in public. But not if you're doing it because you saved 15% or more by calling Geico #notagoodreason2hi5 11:06 AM May 15th via web Retweeted by brianmhansen
mostlynose Yes, twitter, I will follow Taraji P. Henson. #shittysuggestions 1:18 PM May 14th via web Retweeted by brianmhansen
mostlynose Please help me. #thisweirdSnapplebottlecapigot 1:16 PM May 14th via web Retweeted by brianmhansen
mostlynose Fact 1: flutes = phalluses covered in holes you finger while slobbering on one end. Fact 2: Floutists are 77% more likely to be bisexual. 1:13 PM May 14th via web Retweeted by brianmhansen
mostlynose Dear desparate white guy at the library: wearing a Puma track jacket is no longer hip. Wearing the whole track suit never was. #useyourhead 1:00 PM May 14th via web Retweeted by brianmhansen
mostlynose So what if following @jtimberlake on here makes you look "gay"? Following him for realsies makes me a stalker, but I still do it. #sackup 12:57 PM May 14th via web Retweeted by brianmhansen
mostlynose Don't blame Victoria's Secret. Gandhi made starvation sexy like, years ago. #whatindianguywouldyoubangMonday 12:49 PM May 14th via web Retweeted by brianmhansen
mostlynose My first tweet.Riddle: why does Twitter assume I want to follow Steve Harvey, Rihanna & J.Lo? That's #racist, #riddle. #whatsahashtag 12:45 PM May 14th via web Retweeted by brianmhansen
I uploaded a @YouTube video youtu.be/hoV2oOE0Mxc?a The New Frontier as The Metaphor Most Apt 7:21 PM Apr 16th via Google
I uploaded a @YouTube video youtu.be/I_3TxTARUp8?a Please Stop Usurping My Favorite Scents 6:10 PM Apr 4th via Google
@andessurvivor Yeah so I went with Don La Fontaine. It's not too soon, right? He's been dead for, like, years. 7:23 PM Apr 2nd via web
TDC #85 is complete: soundcloud.com/brianmhansen/d… #tdc #tdc85 That's two thus far, Shooter. 7:15 PM Apr 2nd via web
@andessurvivor Elmo. That guy's a monster. You? 11:27 AM Apr 2nd via Twitter for iPhone in reply to andessurvivor
Might be quitting my Neighborhood Watch. Really don't wanna get famous for shooting a teen by mistake. Plus the t-shirts are lame. 8:10 AM Apr 2nd via Twitter for iPhone
@andessurvivor any idea how to do today's audio TDC? Don't know how to link two separate audio streams into one file... 8:07 AM Apr 2nd via Twitter for iPhone
4/1/12 The Daily Create-Do Something Foolish: youtu.be/glMHwNmOzlU via @youtube 5:00 PM Apr 1st via Tweet Button

Name Brian Michael Hansen
Location Northern Jersey (yes, Jersey)
Web http://www.brianm...
Bio IS: Dad, Nerd, actor, and voracious consumer of food, books, humor. IS NOT: mean, lazy, boring, mildly attractive, ignorant, closed-minded, edgy, good at Twitt