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brendankennedy

  1. @darryldarryl_ person watching television, "Oh shit, that's right. My knee doesn't work anymore!" 11:23 AM May 25th via web in reply to darryldarryl_
  2. Pedestrian Star-struck when celebrity walks by. Then hit by a car because he wasnt paying attention. #news 1:24 PM May 22nd via Twitter for iPhone
  3. @DoogieHorner I'd like that, an animal-less ocean. It would be like a big pool. No more squids pulling boats down to be friends4eva.#diefish 2:47 PM May 21st via web in reply to DoogieHorner
  4. Ever close your eyes and shake your head before saying, "Well i think..." If so, then i hate you. 10:14 PM May 17th via web
  5. The internet is the concentrate that eyewitness interviews on local news are made out of. #ithinkitwasabirdmancreature 9:51 PM May 17th via web
  6. @DoogieHorner I love some witches. Especially Genoa Salami ones. 8:47 AM May 16th via web in reply to DoogieHorner
  7. @johnkensil you sick john. you should go to the hospital 2:20 PM May 15th via web in reply to johnkensil
  8. @DoogieHorner who's spiders were they? 2:14 PM May 15th via web in reply to DoogieHorner
  9. @mikemarbach tilapia lightly breaded, sauteed in olive oil 2:13 PM May 15th via web in reply to mikemarbach
  10. "Little kids that swallow batteries have more energy than those that don't." -Dr. Stupid Moron PHDizzle 5:42 PM May 14th via web
  11. @Gwendy_B Unfortunately i didn't go. I was in asbury park doing a show in a bowling alley 11:47 AM May 12th via web in reply to Gwendy_B
  12. "80% of the human body is poop." -Dr. Moron PHD in being an idiot. 9:30 AM May 12th via web
  13. Reflected light is for pussies! Real men stare straight into the sun! #OGalileo 1:05 AM May 10th via web
  14. To honor Pat Burrell theyre going to leave left field empty for the 1st 6 innings and then have a pinch runner play for the last 3. 2:10 PM May 9th via web
  15. I think that if a cat burglar steals a cat-sized dog by mistake he or she becomes an ancient alien theorist, Those people are idiots #catdog 1:23 PM May 9th via web
  16. @RobDComedy Most of my time was spent trying to convince others that having read Nabokov's Lolita qualified me to be a pediatrician. 2:01 PM May 4th via web in reply to RobDComedy