BoobsRadley
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@ the crime of my life is not being French and/or able to pull of a Peter Pan collar.
about 4 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to MaraWritesStuff
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@ (breathy mais oui)
about 4 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
in reply to MaraWritesStuff
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Sex life getting boring? Try a trail of rose petals that leads toward your bed but veers into walls and over some marbles, because ahahaha.
about 21 hours ago
via web
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Going to New York with nothing but a pocketful of dreams is foolish, unless "dreams" is the name of your wildly charismatic tapdancing rat.
about 23 hours ago
via Twitter for iPhone
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@ I write for them. They want you to be Mr. December.
12:28 PM Jun 1st
via web
in reply to edgarwright
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Kale chips are great if you love Ruffles, but hate all the fat and the fact that they don't taste like magazines made out of dead people.
11:54 AM Jun 1st
via web
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People get so freaked out about casual swearing, but it's like, how great is it that in fifty years, we'll ALL be the "cool" grandma?
10:39 AM Jun 1st
via web
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If you're a dolphin DJ, I bet making a record-scratching noise by rubbing your own belly is a big hit with crowds.
11:28 AM May 31st
via web
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Calling yourself China Wok III is a pretty snooty way to let people know that your first restaurant probably came over on the Mayflower.
1:45 PM May 28th
via Twitter for iPhone
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I bet heralding the apocalypse to kids is crazy annoying. No, I'M Famine, my horse has no name. Oh, you're going to be a vet? Uh-huh. Great.
3:09 PM May 25th
via web
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I have a lot of questions about ghosts. I wrote about them here, if you love reading about ghost questions.
9:39 AM May 25th
via web
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Cannot BELIEVE I missed another new moon, or that a blood-based ritual love spell would need to be so bizarrely specific.
2:59 PM May 22nd
via web
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I bet if you were a Plains Indian and somebody overcooked your bison, you still thanked the Great Spirit, but in an extra bitchy voice.
1:58 PM May 22nd
via web
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I long for a time before men cat-called at women from cars. Because how funny was that, I bet? "Nice legs!" Clip-clip, clip-clop, clip-clop.
2:30 PM May 20th
via web
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They may not be the "prettiest" part of the human body, but as far as "jaunty" goes, balls pretty much have the market cornered.
12:05 PM May 20th
via web
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The formidable @ does her best breathy-mystery-girl on 's voicemail. Can you do better?
3:56 PM May 19th
via web
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Insomnia CDs are great if you imagine one whale like "I'm not sure I still love you" and the other all, "Then why did we JUST sign a lease?"
10:01 PM May 15th
via Twitter for iPhone
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I bet if you're in charge of coming up with colors for J. Crew, you name the ugliest chino shades after jerky, incredulous relatives.
9:01 PM May 15th
via Twitter for iPhone
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If you work in quality control at the C+C Music Factory, but you've had a late night, you probably miss a few things that make you go HNNNK.
8:20 AM May 14th
via Twitter for iPhone
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Blondes have more fun, except for that moment when brunettes get out of the shower and pretend they're that bad guy from "Kindergarten Cop."
2:46 PM May 11th
via web
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- Name Julieanne Smolinski
- Location New York
- Web http://www.juliea...
- Bio Nobody loves a good Dickens joke.
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