blankslate
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If I was a super hero my power would be...oh who am I kidding?? I can't pull off spandex tights!
about 9 hours ago
from web
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How come no one asks the hard questions like - who did Adam and Eve's kids make babies with?
about 10 hours ago
from web
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Runner-up: "Don't you get tired of stuffing your mouth, you obnoxious whore."
about 12 hours ago
from web
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Winner of the Costco Truffle talkdown is- "better buy a new suspension for ur car while ur at it"
about 16 hours ago
from txt
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Someone better DM me QUICK and talk me out of buying the Costco jumbo box of truffles!
about 17 hours ago
from txt
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My fave bedtime tale was the one with the virgin birth and ended with 3 horsemen of the apocalypse.
Cuz it took dad all night to read it
about 19 hours ago
from web
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I travel in the US so much that I can now tell which State I am in by the size of the hair.
about 21 hours ago
from web
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I can't even remember how I used to fuck the dog before the internet. Maybe I used to, actually, just, work?
about 21 hours ago
from web
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Pro tip for my American friends: Running out of time this holiday season? Cook your turkey in a flash, just set your oven to "Self Clean"
about 22 hours ago
from web
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"That really hurt"
"Why didn't you use the safe word?!"
"I said it in my head, I didn't want to interrupt you"
"OH YOU CANADIANS"
1:03 PM Nov 24th
from web
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Now that I'm single I'm thinking of going straight. Funny, interesting, educated women apply now. (Facial hair a plus)
7:26 AM Nov 24th
from web
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@ .....FREUDIAN.....
12:48 PM Nov 22nd
from web
in reply to crackbarbie
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I just voted for Check it out!
8:38 AM Nov 22nd
from TweetPhoto
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@ That picture gets me teary eyed, not only because Duty and I made butt babies, but just cuz you're a sweet
8:37 AM Nov 22nd
from TweetPhoto
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I love my Swiffer, it takes all the dirt, dust and crud, and it pushes it from one side of the room the other.
8:16 AM Nov 22nd
from web
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At the hardware store today I bought an "edging tool". Okay, not at all what I thought it was.
2:29 PM Nov 21st
from web
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Wish woman beside me w/stop offering tips while I try to find gay sex on the internet and go back to breastfeeding her baby. Um BOUNDARIES?
11:23 AM Nov 20th
from web
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Obviously I love airports and air travel, why else would I have managed to miss two flights today and still have my ass sitting in OKC?
8:06 AM Nov 20th
from web
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What a sublime evening. First tweet-meetup EVER with @, his boyfriend @ and their dominatrix @.
10:51 PM Nov 19th
from web
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I've gone from the "Beaver Motel" to the Oklahoma City Sheraton - where the towels are so thick and fluffy I can barely close my suitcase.
4:11 PM Nov 19th
from web
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- Name Alex
- Location Great White North
- Bio I like puppies, rainbows and long walks on the beach wth my dysfunctional boyfriend.
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